The world is full of zanies and fools… who break the rules and usually break the bank!

(What I learned from Cinderella, bumble bees and taking risks!)

Our local high school is currently presenting Cinderella, so one night this week my daughter and I decided to go see the play.  Now… I can’t get that dang song about “impossible things” out of my head!

It’s haunting me… driving me crazy… I keep thinking about crazy impossible things.

It’s crazy people, you know, who defy logic every day and do things, no one thinks can be done.  Crazy people are the ones who break the rules, break the records and break the bank most of the time.

“The world is full of zanies and fools… who don’t believe in sensible rules… and won’t believe what sensible people say.. and because these daft and dewey eyed dopes…  keep building up impossible hopes… impossible things are happening every day!”
– Cinderella

I can’t stop thinking about craziness… and impossible things.

I have been thinking about how impossible it was that my little essay stood out from a field of 15,000 other people and got me on national TV with Good Morning America.  What are the odds that would happen?

Well… 20 in 15000!

I would have bet everything I had against that.

But it happened.

Impossible things are happening every day!

Today I read a clip from Alice in Wonderland. It was an exchange between Alice and the White Queen from Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll:

Alice says, “One can’t believe impossible things.”

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

This famous conversation has prompted millions of creative people from around the world to name six impossible things, each day before breakfast.  This idea has ignited all kinds of “out of the box” ideas and inventions.  People are stretching their minds and looking for solutions that break the rules.

I liked the idea!

It has prompted me do some crazy things myself this week.  (I don’t want to jinx them by telling you about them just yet – but if something impossible happens… you will be the first to know!)

I am charged up with enthusiasm from my GMA experience and I am determined to reach for the stars with more confidence.  I am not going to let limits, lines or logic get in my way.  I am going to be bold.

I also remembered something I heard, when I was a child, about bumble bees.  Have you heard that Bumble bees, according to aerodynamic studies in wind tunnels and scientists who computed the wing span  and the weight of the bees, cannot fly?

Mathematically it is impossible for these creatures to fly… but the bees don’t know anything about this limit… so they go ahead and fly anyway.

Impossible things are happening every day!

So what’s up with the experts and scientist and naysayers who like to pop our enthusiastic bubbles when we try crazy things?

I recently read about Arthur C. Clarke, author of 2001: A Space Odyssey, who is a believer of impossible things. He had “Three Laws” regarding science and discovery.  I found these fascinating, full of truth and well worth sharing.  Here they are:

Clarke’s Law #1

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. Corollary: When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

Clarke’s Law # 2

The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to venture beyond them into the impossible.

Clarke’s Law # 3

Any significantly advanced technology is at first indistinguishable from magic.

If you had shown my grandmother a cell phone when she was a girl, she would have believed it some kind of sorcery for sure.  “You can’t talk to people on the other side of the world with a little hand held cordless device – that’s crazy!”

There are always unexplainable things in this world… that later on become explainable and even commonplace.

While looking up information about bumble bees, to remind me of the story I heard as a child, I was amazed to discover that in the last 40 years scientists had taken another look at the bees.

It turns out that after some new advances in high speed photography new calculations were able to be made. Scientists were able to see that the wings of the bumble bee… fill up like a parachute on the down stroke—greatly increasing the surface area of the wing.  They were able to plug the new surface area into the calculations… and they have now declared that the bumble bee can indeed fly…

… much to the relief of bumble bees all around the planet.

Whew!

So, just because something doesn’t make sense or you can’t understand or believe it… doesn’t mean it’s not so. Impossible things are happening every day!

One of the most famous stories regarding the impossible is the story of Roger Bannister.  He was a talented runner who proclaimed that he was going to run a mile in under 4 minutes.

In all of history no man had ever achieved this. Doctors declared it was impossible. The heart would not be able to handle the strain, the lungs would not have enough strength and they said one might actually die in the foolish attempt.

People believed it was impossible…

Roger Bannister believed otherwise. He believed it was possible as he saw himself improving and getting faster every year. He refused to listen to what people said.

Day in day out he trained and so sharpened his mind and body. He was convinced that slow and steady training would get him to break the 4 minute mile record.

On May 6, 1954 Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile. 3:59.4.

The remarkable thing is however, that one month later the impossible was made possible by yet another runner. And in the following year more and more people started to break the 4 minute mile.

Did the runners all of a sudden become better runners? Or was it that they now believed it was possible to break the 4 minute mile when they hadn’t before?

What is possible and what is not…  is all in the mind.  Most of life’s limitations come from within. But once you break these limitations and get out of your mental prison you realize that your biggest limitations are your beliefs.

The most common problem in our thinking is… “I can’t do that.  It’s too hard.  I’d never make it.”

Try this exercise:  Take a piece of paper and write down some goals in your life. Under one header, list down things ‘you know you can do’. Under another header, write the things ‘you might be able to do.’ And under one more, list the things that that are ‘impossible for you to do.’

What new grounds will you blaze?

After all, everything seems impossible… until the first time someone does it.

(“It’s kind of fun doing the impossible.” – said Walt Disney)

All I know is that we have nothing to lose by stretching, going for it, breaking down our limiting beliefs and shooting a little higher!

Don’t listen to the people who hold you back.  Believe in yourself and follow your heart.  It can’t hurt to try… remember those who never try – never win.

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” —Theodore Roosevelt

Impossible things are happening every day!

What are you going to do?

How to cope with being a loser on reality T.V. :-)

Everything that happens in life… prepares you for what will happen next… and who has had more embarrassing, humiliating moments, this last year than me.  LOL

I was ready for this.

After you have gone to work with your shirt inside out, been locked in Gold’s Gym half naked or been crowned “the life coach who got divorced, twice!”… having millions of people see you lose on TV isn’t that painful!   Ha Ha

It’s par for the course!

I was ready for reality T.V.

Last night I was watching some of “The Bachelor” with my girls.  We watched as the girls, who didn’t get a rose, left in shame and I remember thinking… “I would not want to be one of the girls who cries on her way out.  I would hold my head high, wish the dude good luck… and walk to the limo with a smile on my face.”

I also remember thinking… “how can these girls be that sad!  They don’t even know if they would have liked the guy.  He may have been all wrong for them and being sent home may have been a blessing!”

That is helping today…because I might not have liked that high paying job and the fame and fortune of being on national T.V.  It might have sucked.

Really!

I thought I was gonna make it to the next level though!!!  By all accounts, looking at the votes, I was in the top five!  I really thought I had this!  Obviously they didn’t decide this thing based on votes or substance or talent, for that matter, and I think I figured out why.  I realized something that I hadn’t thought of before…

this is a TV show…

I know that should have been obvious but it is a TV show… whose goals are ratings and money!

Their goal is NOT helping people.

I’m in the business of helping people…that’s my goal!  So obviously I wasn’t the right one for this job!

It’s good news that I will not be spending my days writing advice columns for a company who doesn’t really care about people.  I will spend my days coaching, writing and speaking to people I care about!

It still stings though… when you don’t get the rose…

…you get voted off the island…

…you lose that promotion you really wanted…

…you get laid off…

…you blow the shot that would have won the big game that really mattered…

…or are terribly disappointed by the myriad of ways life can knock you on your butt.  Right?

These losses sting.

These experiences sting because they bring your deepest core fear to the surface and rub it in your face…The fear that maybe you just aren’t good enough, or that your life isn’t going to be good enough!!

That is why losses sting.

They feel like they mean something about who you are!  Something bad!

So how do you cope with that?

The answer is the same answer my clients give me every time I ask them…

“How do you get out of FEAR?”

The correct answer is… “Love and Trust – The Clarity Formula!”
(This is the Clarity Point Remedy – CPR – which really does save lives!)

How does it work?

You make four important choices, two about trust and two about love.

First you make the choice to trust:

1) You choose to trust that your value isn’t on the line.  This isn’t about your value at all.  Your value is infinite and absolute and nothing you do or don’t do can change it!  You choose to trust that you are right where you’re supposed to be and who you’re supposed to be. You are the perfect you, right now.

You choose to trust that this loss doesn’t define you.  It doesn’t mean anything about “who you are” and it doesn’t effect your value in anyway!

Just because the Bachelor sent you home, doesn’t mean you aren’t an awesome amazing woman!

Just because GMA and ABC didn’t think you made the cut… doesn’t mean you don’t have talent in spades!  It doesn’t mean anything about who you are!

You are the same person you were yesterday before Simon ripped your performance apart and kicked you off the show.  His opinion doesn’t change who you are.

No one’s does!

You trust that your value is set by God… and does not change no matter what!

2) You also choose to believe that your life’s journey is perfect.  You choose to believe that you are right on track and this experience is exactly the right one you need next, to become who you’re meant to be.  As bad as this experience is – it’s perfect for some reason!  You choose to trust the process of life.  You have to choose this… it’s the only way to emotional balance.

You choose to believe that hooking up with that Bachelor was not in the plans for you because your perfect path is somewhere else.  You choose to believe that being on Good Morning America would have distracted you from helping people that need your help!  You choose to trust that this loss is perfect!

Then you make the choice to love:

1) We teach our clients that the first step to love is choosing to see other people as the same as you.  They aren’t better and they aren’t worse.  They do the best they can, with what they know at the time… just like you do.  When you see others as the same as you… compassion shows up and you see them accurately.  This helps you love others and yourself better.

Those girls who got a rose, are not better than you.  Seeing them as better, and yourself as less than, will just produce drama that is beneath who you are.  They are struggling scared, flawed human beings, the same as you.  Seeing the girls (with roses) as brown-nosing sluts, who are worse than you, so you can feel better about yourself – is again, beneath you.

I know the folks who made the cut on GMA aren’t better or worse than me… they just fit what the producers were looking for better and in the end it was their perfect journey to stay in, and it was mine to leave!   I decided to reach out to them and send notes of congratulations.

2) Then you choose to be about giving love not getting love.  You choose to focus on others more than yourself.  You choose to make others feel important instead of worrying about whether you are.

At times of loss – you look for others to lift, love or serve and this makes you feel better (because you like who you are now.)  If you focus on giving – you feel great!

This simple formula works.  I have had hundreds, if not thousands, of clients who have tried this formula in all kinds of situations over the last seven years and it works!  It helps you get rebalanced after a loss that triggers fear.  You will probably have to keep re-choosing love and trust every five minutes, all day long, when the fear creeps back in, but it works.

This is how I processed this loss.  I used this formula!

I thought it was important to share this…since your next loss is probably not far away.

If your life is anything like mine, loss is a reoccurring theme that just won’t quit!  But in spite of this I still consider myself lucky and blessed.  Good things happen to us too, all the time!

So the next time loss, disappointment or trouble smacks you in the face… try it.

Or you could hit the gym and run three miles while listening to The Climb over and over and over.  Here is the link to the song -and some of the lyrics.

“There’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle. Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose.
Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side.
It’s the climb!
The struggles I’m facing. The chances I’m taking. Sometimes might knock me down.
But no, I’m not breaking!
I may not know it. But these are the moments that I’m gonna remember most, yeah.
Just gotta keep going.  And I, I got to be strong. Just keep pushing on”

This is what I did this morning after I got the news!

I know it’s lame to listen to Miley Cyrus… but this song helped lift my spirits and motivate me – during that run I realized I needed to focus on giving… so we decided to do an amazing call tomorrow night on dealing with the losses, disappointments and other experiences that knock us to the ground.  We need a powerful call about surviving!

I will have some amazing guest speakers on the call, who have been through some really tough stuff – (makes my reality TV loss look stupid!)  And we want to hear your stories too.  We want to have a big, giant, group coaching session with everyone who wants to join us!

We are shaking things up, changing the format and we need you to join us to talk about the stuff that knocks you on your butt. We all have losses – we all get the rug pulled out from under us! Let’s talk about it!

Join us  tomorrow January 5th at 8:30pm.

Call in at (218) 862-7200 enter access code: 467648.

 

How to cope when life kicks your butt – The Emotional CPR call

How to handle a “one upper” type friend!

From Leonard in North Carolina:

No matter what one has or does, I have a friend who always says, “I’ve done that” or “I have bigger and better.” How is the best way to tell him that the reason other people avoid him is because he always has to “top” what they’ve done or have? Our friendship is often strained when he pulls this card on me.

Leonard, if you think that’s bad, I have a friend who’s even worse.  My friend is way more annoying than yours.  (Just kidding.)

 

Seriously, even as an advice guru, I haven’t got the slightest clue how to make people like this change, but I have a long list of prospective candidates myself… if we should ever find a way.

 

I can suggest something even better though.

 

I can show you an amazing way to encourage your friend to want to change himself.  This works best because people don’t resist change, they resist being changed.  If they choose to change themselves, everyone wins!

(We all know people we would like to change – so pay attention to this guru magic.)

The trick lies in seeing your friend’s true potential and helping him see himself, as the better person you know he can be.  This approach uses love to gently nudge someone in the right direction.

Next time you see him, say something like this…

“Can I tell you how much I appreciate what a great friend you are?  As a matter of fact, I read something the other day that immediately made me think of you.  (YOU AREN’T LYING BECAUSE YOU READ THIS ARTICLE.) It said, in any moment you are in one of two places… you are either asking for love and attention from people, or you are giving love and attention to people.

It made me wonder, “What kind of person am I?   Am I someone who talks about himself too much because he needs validation?  Or am I someone who edifies other people by listening to them?

I really appreciate that you are someone who gives love and attention to other people.  You don’t need to tell your stories, one up or impress others.  You make other people feel important by allowing most conversations to be about them.  It’s a great quality and one I want to work on. ”

Then move onto other things.

It wouldn’t hurt to pay him these types of compliments on a regular basis.  YOU ARE NOT LYING TO HIM. You are reminding him of who he really is.  These compliments will also build up his self esteem.

Remember he does the whole “one-upping” thing because he is insecure.  It’s not about you.  It’s about his fear.  So don’t take it personally when he does it.  Just smile and let it roll off.

The principle behind the advice:

People want to be who they think you think they are.  If you see the best in them and tell them what you see, they will want to live up to your expectations.

Tomorrow we find out if the votes were enough!

The Guru contest is moving forward!

Will I make it into the TOP TEN?

Read the latest from the producers of Good Morning America…

“I’m writing because the time has come to move forward with the selection process. On Tuesday Jan 4, during the second hour of the show we will be announcing the Guru candidates who will be moving on.

We appreciate the awesome effort that everyone has contributed during the past few weeks. You are all incredibly gifted in so many ways and we hope that you have enjoyed being part of the process.

The next stage will require a little hustle, so we have decided to lay the game plan out in advance in case you foresee some sort of major obstacle to your participation. Of course, reach out to me if you have a major issue, but we feel the description below is quite clear and we encourage you to wait with general questions until the candidates moving forward are announced.

Again thank you all so much. It’s been a fun ride so far and it’s honestly a bit bitter-sweet to have to move on. You are all super guru’s to us and we hope you all keep marching forward with the great work you do.”

Guru Daily Duel

For all of the guru candidates moving on, the next step is called the Guru Daily Duel. This is an on-line reality challenge and will run from Wednesday Jan 5 to Wednesday January 13. Each day, two guru candidates will face-off online. Viewers will be encouraged to weigh-in to let us know who they think is really delivering great advice.

[I am going to need ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND HELP to win this one!]

Here’s how it will work:

Tuesday Jan 4 – GMA announces the GURU candidates who will be moving on in the selection process. This will happen on-air during the 8-9am hour of GMA. We will also announce the first two (or more) gurus who will be facing-off online.

Tuesday Jan 4

After the show, GMA will contact those two (or more) GURU candidates to give them the viewer question of the day.

Tuesday Jan 4 – 6 AM Wednesday Jan 5

These Guru candidates will have approximately one day (after the show until 6am the next day) to send in a video response to this question. The response cannot exceed 1 minute and 30 seconds and we recommend categorizing your answers in bite size chunks. You should deliver your best information in your video response. Additionally, you are also welcome to supplement your video response by writing something that we can post online. This written response cannot exceed 300 words.

Wednesday Jan 5

As soon as possible, we will post the video’s that come in from the guru’s facing off on that day. We will also encourage viewers to weigh-in.

Wednesday Jan 5

Sometime during the show, our anchors will announce the names of the next two (or more) guru’s facing off. We will then send these two guru’s the viewer question of the day and they will have until 6am the next day to send in a their response. This process will continue every day until Wednesday Jan 13.

Logistics

-Each Guru candidate moving on will have to do this at least twice during the week long period. Saturday and Sunday are not included. However, the GURU’s who will duel on Monday will receive their question on Sunday morning.

__________________________________________________________

Wow – this is going to be fun!

If… I make it through (tomorrow morning is the day we find out).  I do feel confident in my ability to duel with advice – but I am going to need help because the person who has the most support will get the most votes, even if their advice is not as good.

So get ready to help me spread the word and ask for votes.

If I make it into the final 10, I am planning to contact ABC news in SLC and ask them to help me get the word out.

I’m nervous, but taking my own advice… and choosing to trust the process of life.

Though it’s hard, I have to re-choose trust every five minutes!

It wouldn’t hurt for all of us to pray a little too!