Day 61: KISS-Begging for Money and a Gum Disaster!

If you thought last night was crazy – wait till you read this…

Saturday night started with dinner at Fiddlers Elbow.

This time Tammy and I got a table of our own.

But we ended up at a table right next to the female version of KISS.

We aren’t kidding.  As you will see below.

Apparently they liked Tam because they sent her a drink.

This was a big first…

The first time Tam had a girl buy her a drink – which was pretty weird.

We knew you might not believe us, because it sounds so crazy.

But I couldn’t make this stuff up!

I took a picture for proof.

Plus Tam thought she belonged in the group since she loves to kiss.

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After dinner we wanted to play some pool – but the table required four quarters.

We went through our purses and came up with three nickles and a dime.

Not quite enough.

They wouldn’t let us put $1. on a credit card.

We didn’t know what to do.

Tammy decided that she would ask a stranger to give us a dollar.

(Of course she was gonna to pick a handsome stranger!)

I thought she was crazy.

But she was pumped up on liquid courage.

So she walked over to the one table of really good looking guys (who we had been admiring all night) and explained our situation and asked them if they’d be open to giving us a dollar.

I was laughing my head off.

One very handsome gentleman agreed to finance the game – if he could play.

We were okay with that.

Yeah!

The problem is that playing pool with three people is kinda complicated.  You each have to take five numbered balls to hit in.  The problem with this is remembering which 5 numbers are yours.

I know this doesn’t sound complicated but with Tammy and Brandon both drinking it was quite confusing.  Brandon thought he’d won at one point until WE realized that he’d forgotten one ball.

While they couldn’t keep the numbers straight – I was having problems with color.  At one point I accidently hit a red ball as the cue ball instead of the white one.  No idea what I was thinking.

I couldn’t even blame it on alcohol.

I don’t drink.

I think I was paying more attention to Brandon than the game.  At least that’s the story I’m going with.  When I realized what I’d done I laughed so hard I almost fell down.

After the game Brandon went back to his friends and we got ready to leave.

Before heading to the door I walked back over and told him…

“Brandon I was thinking that you might, at some point, find yourself in need of some life coaching, so I wanted to make sure that you had my card, okay?

He laughed.  His friends laughed.  Who knows if I’ll ever hear from him – but he was gorgeous!

Can you believe how bold I’m getting?

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We got in the car and headed towards our next stop.

Then Tammy realized that she didn’t have her cell phone.

Crap!

She had left it back at Fiddlers.

So I turned the car around and headed back.

She was not excited about the walk of shame she had coming, slinking back in to retrieve it.

When we got there and she opened the door to get out… she noticed that her cell phone was on the floor of my car.  She had it the whole time!

I almost strangled her – but then I wouldn’t have a wingman – so I let her live.

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When we got to our favorite dance place…  we headed out onto the dance floor.

Two minutes later Tammy stops me with this absolutely horrified look on her face.

I’m like..”WHAT?”

Then she points down at the dance floor…  and there is her gum.

It fell out of her mouth.

This could be a BAD thing on a dance floor, on Saturday Night.

I ran to the nearest table and asked the guys sitting there if I could steal their napkin, to clean up a little problem.  They agreed, but were shaking their heads like we were insane.

Can you imagine how crazy we looked – cleaning up the dance floor with people dancing all around us.

I’m sure the guys were lining up to dance with us!

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We ended up meeting a great group of LDS people that invited us to hang out with them.  Tammy is amazed with my “wholesome radar”.   I can find the one other non-drinking G-wearer in a room with my eyes shut.

Joe you are so much fun – we can’t wait to hang out with you again!

We also met handsome young Rob (29) who spent most of the evening hanging out with us and Adam who is the best dancer I’ve ever had the pleasure to dance with!  I hope to meet him again.   That last dance was awesome!

Handsome Rob (the 29 year old) tried to talk us into letting him come home with us –

But that was NOT ever gonna happen.

Are you serious?

Sure made a couple of 40+ ladies feel good though.

We headed home laughing our heads off at our crazy adventures!

(Next time we go out we’re gonna bring the video camera.)

Day 60: You won’t believe what I did Friday night!

It’s January 30th – which means I have now been single for 60 days!

Wow!

I celebrated by pushing the limits and doing some crazy things that I would never have imagined doing even a few days ago.

The book on flirting may be to blame.

I went a little crazy.

The story really starts earlier this week when Tammy and Trish planned a double date and told me if I could find a date we could make it a triple.  I tried all week (I’m pathetic) but I could not get a date.  Dang it.

So I found myself alone at 6pm on Friday night with no plans.

But I was not going to sit home alone!

I wanted to go out!

So I called Tam and asked where she thought I should go – if I was going to go out on the town alone.

She recommended going to Fiddlers Elbow for dinner – she told me if I went in and sat at the Bar there would be tons of people to talk to.  I was freaking out.  Would I really be brave enough to go to dinner alone and not feel like a dork?

She assured me that I could do this, that I would meet people.

She has done this before.

So I decided to go for it.

When I got there… every seat at the bar was taken.

So was every table.

There was a 45 minute wait to get a table and if I got one…  I’d be sitting there ALONE!

This was not in the plan!

I called Tam in a panic – “I can’t do this.  There is no where to sit!  What do I do?”

She recommended standing by the bar, pretending that I was waiting for someone,  until someone left and I could take their seat.

I tried that for about 10 minutes and realized I felt like a dork.

I couldn’t stand there, pretending to have friends somewhere I was waiting for – when I knew no one was coming.

I felt like a total idiot.

Forget this.  I had to either do something – or leave.

I looked around the restaurant hoping by some miracle to see someone I knew.

I had to think of a solution to this.

I started to wonder… Could walk up to a table of strangers…  and ask if I could eat with them.

I know it sounds crazy.

It was crazy.

Who does that?

I noticed a table for four…  with three nice young men at it.

They looked nice and it was one of the only empty seats in the whole place.

I decided that I had nothing to lose.

What the heck.

If I made a complete fool of myself – at least it would make a great story for the blog!

It still took me ten minutes to get up the courage… but I decided to go for it.

I walked over to their table and said…

“Hi guys – this may sound crazy but I was wondering if I could eat with you.  My girlfriend was supposed to meet me here and she stood me up for a guy (Yes that was a lie – my nose is growing as we speak) and I was going to sit at the bar and eat dinner but there’s no room – would you let me join you so I don’t feel like a total loser?”

Here is what they said…

“Totally – we’d love to have you join us – sit down.”

“You got balls girls – I don’t think in a million years I’d be brave enough to do that!”

“Your like my hero – wow.”

“You should text your friend and tell her… Ha -you have a date with one guy – I’m having dinner with three guys!”

“Yeah, show her she missed out.”

It dawned on me to do one better…  since I was going for broke I asked someone at another table to take a picture of me with the three young hotties… and I sent it to Tam.

(Actually I wanted the picture to show all of you too – to prove that I did it!)

Now remember the last time Tammy heard from me…  I was freaking out and about to leave.

Now she gets this message (with photo) and all she had to say was…

“Holy Crap”

Below is the photo of my new friends Chris, Chris and Michael Zacharia –

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Yes – they are hot young 24 year olds.

We had a great time.  I entertained them with stories about Tammy and my adventures.  I told them the Gold’s gym story and they laughed their heads off.  We talked about dating, texting and the right way to tell someone that you don’t like them.  They gave me some dating advice and I gave them some too. (Which might have been dangerous.)

We had a blast.

I was almost old enough to be their mother  but it was a huge moment for me.

I discovered that I could have a good time with anyone, anywhere.

I can make friends and put myself out there, even take risks and create good situations anywhere I go.

I was “dang” proud of myself.

But the night didn’t end there…

Next, I decided to go dancing by myself.

Actually, Tammy thought that her dinner might be over by 9 or 10, and she could come and join me.  So I wouldn’t be alone the whole night.  (though in the end that that didn’t happen.)

I set out alone to our favorite dance place.

By the way – I do feel very safe there.  I know enough of the people who work there that I do feel comfortable.

But sitting there by myself though (with no wingman) was harder than I thought it would be.

I got a table and enjoyed myself for an hour people watching.

There are a lot of weird people who go there and it’s quite entertaining to watch their dance moves.  There are a couple of really weird girls in crazy outfits that just crack me up.

But after an hour of sitting there watching, my resolve to do this, to be here alone, was falling apart fast.

I was getting panicked again…  and feeling like a total idiot.

I’m a loser.  I have no friends –  Am I going to go out there and dance by myself?

The only person who does that is the “stoned guy” (that’s what we call him.)

He stands out there, in the middle of the dance floor, the entire night, looking like he’s lost and doesn’t know where he is.

I was about to bail and run for my car…

When I saw someone I knew.

Whew

It was Craig!  A guy that I had met on LDS Linkup.  When he saw my picture there, he wrote me to say that we had actually met at that dance place before and he remembered me.  (That was the night the 80 year old dirty grandpa was on the loose.)

He was the first person who made me their friend on Linkup so I didn’t look like a loser…  and here he was!

I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my whole life!

He was there with a group of friends – so I now had people to hang out with.

Yeah!!!

I ended up having a great time.

I drove home last night really proud of myself.

I can do this.

Now I’m off to the gym…

What adventures await today?

Day 58: Guidelines for Conversations with the Opposite Sex

(This info comes from that book on flirting that Laney and I have been reading.)

I picked it up again because I noticed there are a lot of handsome men at the gym everyday – they look at me and I look at them – but that’s as far as it goes.

So I have been reading about some ways to use body language and smiles to give the right signals.  I want them to come and talk to me. I’ll let you know how it works.

The following info I thought was worth sharing with you all – These are some “what not to do” rules for men and women in conversations with the opposite sex.

Guidelines for Men to have great conversations with women:

1) Talk about emotions – show that you can be sensitive

2) Ask for advice – women love to give it.

3) Don’t talk about past wives or girlfriends.

4) Let her know that your listening to her – nod, smile, show that you’re paying attention to her.

5) Don’t patronize her.  Don’t call her honey or babe.

6) Don’t use knowledge like a club. Maybe her complaining about the long wait at the emergency room lets you know that she doesn’t understand medical emergencies but coming in with what you think about what she doesn’t know may kill the conversation.

7) Keep your political speeches and complaining about your mentally ill mother to yourself for now.

8) Never ask questions simply to determine her age, such as how old are your children or when did you graduate high school?  No woman wants to be discriminated against because of her age.

9) Keep the dirty sexual comments to yourself or this conversation will be over fast.

Guidelines for Women to have great conversations with men:

1) Do talk about your job – if you love it.  Men find independent successful women fascinating.

2) Don’t ask him what he does for a living or what car he drives until you know him better.  These questions may seem innocent to you but all they hear is “How much money do you make?”  Men object to being “success objects” as much as women object to being “sex objects.”

3) Dabble in male speak – talking about golf, cars or home repairs can be a fun way to start.

4) Don’t talk about your past.  Especially if you’ve had a wild one.

5) Do a sound check – don’t talk too high or too shrill – also don’t talk too fast.

6) Don’t ramble about health problems.

7) Leave your children with the sitter – don’t spend the whole night talking about them.

Day 57: An empty fortune cookie

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We ordered chinese food last night.

The delivery guy was really surprised to find me home.

(My 11 year old usually orders it by herself, when I’m still at work and she’s hungry.)

Since I am at a pivotal time in my life, I actually opened that fortune cookie hoping for a meaningful nugget of wisdom, a bit of hope for a better future.

I laughed my head off when I realized it was empty.

I didn’t have a fortune?

How big of a loser are you if you open a fortune cookie and it’s empty?

What does that mean?

Is there no hope for me?

My friend N.O. in Las Vegas answered my post on Facebook with a real nugget of wisdom…

“It means that you get to create whatever you want!”

Whew – That makes sense.

I have the ability to expect and create what I want in my life.

My dear friend Cheri Merz suggested that I shouldn’t give some cookie factory the power to predict my future – I should own that myself!

Once again it comes down to the choice – to trust God and life – or to fear life.

No matter how bad things look – you always get to choose between trust or fear.

I choose to trust that life will turn out amazing and that great things are around the next corner.

I choose to trust that I am in God’s hands and am watched over every step of the way.

I choose to trust that I am safe in this journey – even when it looks scary.

I choose to believe that there is nothing to be afraid of.

I choose to believe that all the good fortune in the world is here for me!

I know that when I live from this place, I will attract good people and good opportunities my way.  That makes an empty fortune cookie – a really lucky day!

Day 56: Another wardrobe malfunction – and gettin’ lucky!

(Not that kind of “gettin’ lucky” – Get your mind out of the gutter!)

I made sure everything was “right side out” before I left the house yesterday.

My New Years Resolution at work!

As a matter of fact I dressed up really nice because I had some business meetings, and you never know when your going to run into the man of your dreams.

I wore a new jacket that I had just bought on sale at my favorite store.

This jacket was on the clearance rack because it was missing two buttons – but I realized that if I moved one to a difference place I could make this baby look like brand new.

I was feeling great as I headed out to my first meeting.  I had it all together today!

In the middle of the first meeting I realized that I had orange stuff all over my right knee.  I suddenly remembered that I had knelt down on the kitchen floor to wipe something up.  I must have knelt in the mess – crap – now I had to keep my legs crossed the whole time – so that I didn’t look like a dork.

On the way to the second meeting I cleaned my pants while driving – by spitting on my fingers and trying to rub out the orange stains.  Burke thought I was driving drunk.

Then in the middle of the second meeting I realized that I had lost another button from the dang jacket.  Somewhere, the button on the sleeve had fallen off and my cuff was now hanging off my arm.  I looked ridiculous.

I just can’t get it together.

So I took the dangling piece off – very carefully under the table and stuck it in my pocket.  My sleeves now didn’t match – but I figured that my odds were pretty good that none of the men would even notice.  Men aren’t real observant.

Here is what it looked like…

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Later I searched through my car hoping to find the missing button.  I was hoping that it had ripped off there – because without that button the jacket was toast.

I couldn’t find it – dang it.

Now this is the “Gettin’ Lucky” part…

This morning as I was writing this post – I had a thought…

What if the button ripped off when I was putting my purse over my shoulder?  What if the button had fallen right into the purse?  Could I be that lucky?

I grabbed the purse and searched all through the bottom of it.

No Button!

Then I noticed a small pocket on the inside of the purse.

I stuck my fingers in, knowing it was a long shot – there’s no way it could have landed in there – but guess what…

It had – I found the button!

Today I am re- sewing all of the buttons on that dang jacket with triple thick thread.

I am also changing my New Years Resolution to include checking for stains and loose buttons before I leave the house.

Day 56: Instructions for Women from Men

1. The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

2. When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen.  Kissing should only be done during timeouts or commercials.  Questions should be limited to the same.

3. When we are watching your show and I change the channel during a commercial do not hassle me to change the channel back.  I always know when the timing is right.  Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

4. If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it to the washer.  In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

5. If I am in the backyard and the TV is on in the house – that doesn’t mean I’m not watching it.

6. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.

7. When I’m turning the wheel and the car is already nosing onto the off ramp – saying “This is our exit honey” really isn’t necessary.

8. Don’t feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We don’t care.  We’re just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

Day 55: What’s the funniest thing your kid ever said?

(Thanks to all those who contributed)

– My little boy was singing to himself… “I kicked a girl and I liked it.”   He cracked us up!

– My son asked me the other day if chicken nuggets come from pigs.   I made him ask himself the question like 3 times… before he figured out the answer.

– My son saw a Chinese man walk by and starting screaming… “Look Dad, Look,  it’s Jackie Chan!”

– I overheard my daughter saying to a neighbor… “I have little boobies now, but someday I’m going to have big boobies like my Mommy”

– Someone asked my son if he could read.  He replied: “I can’t read human writing”

– Someone asked my nephew Nick or Nicholas what name he liked to be called.  He said, “You can call me Batman!”

–  When my son was 8 years old, on our way to Cub Scouts one chilly fall day, I asked where his jacket was, when he got into the car without it. He answered, “Isn’t it right Mom, that boys should give girls their jackets?”  I said, “Yes – So?”

He said, “So … I’m practicing being cold.

– I heard my 4 1/2 year son old singing “my humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps” by the Black eyed peas.

– My four-year-old told me I needed to turn off the t.v. or the batteries would run out.

– While we were Trick-or-Treating. I heard by 5 year old telling the neighbors that his mom isn’t old enough yet to Trick-or-Treat.

–  My 5 year old said to his brother, “God put our butts in back so we don’t have to see our yucky poooooo!”

-My5 year-old grand daughter was sitting on my lap during a wedding reception. While we were talking about the possibility of being great-grandparents  in the next year or so–Then she asked us …  “I just want to know when you two are going to have kids of your own!  Isn’t that what happens when you get married?”

– We told my five year old son that his uncle was coming by to introduce us to his girlfriend.   He asked…”Is she hot!”    Your five years old- what do you mean “Is she hot?”

– I heard my boys fighting over a ball.  My 2 year old Conner said: “Gimme the ball!”   I said: How do you ask Conner?  Connor said…  “Gimme the ball or I’ll kick you…”

– My seven year old daughter doing homework said…  “You know, a ‘synonym‘ – like the stuff I shake on top of my toast in the morning.

– I said to my son…”I know you’re lying.”  My son said…”How do you know?”  I replied… “Sweetheart, I have the Holy Spirit to help me fugure things out.”

My son replied…” that’s not fair!  Why does God always tell on me?”

– My daughter said… “I cant wait til I’m a Mom so I can yell at everyone!”

– My daughter fell down and scraped her knee. and shouted, “oh, shit!!”  Her dad in a scolding voice, “Sweetie! We don’t say that word!”

Very remorsefully she replied, “I sorry, Daddy, I meant to say dammit.”

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To catch you up on my love life…

It’s a fairy tale…  it’s so Grim.

There is nothing to report.

Nothing.

I did just sign up for LDS-LinkUp and I am hoping to meet some new people there.  Though Tammy and I got on it last night and it made us depressed…

The other women are all gorgeous! (We agree with you Sara!)

Though the good news is that the men were pretty gorgeous too.

We think we need some better pictures though.  Some that would make us look skinnier, prettier and more fun.

Is that possible?

I take comfort in what I teach my coaching clients in sales… that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.  You can’t say the right thing to the wrong person.  If they are meant to buy they will – if they aren’t, they won’t, and it’s okay either way.

I figure that I won’t ever look good enough or say the right things to men that are the wrong guy no matter how hard I try.

But Mr. Right will fall for me no matter how bad my pictures are, if my shirt’s on inside out or if I say something stupid.  He will be attracted to me anyway – because he’s Mr. Right.

So we all need to relax and let the process play out – there is nothing to be afraid of.  We aren’t going to miss anything or blow our shot with anyone.  It will always be as it’s meant to be.

If you feel like you should put yourself out there then you should – but you should  feel safe in the knowledge that it’s going to work out as it’s meant to.

That is my new attitude about the whole thing.

I also have decided to stop trying so hard to find the man of my dreams and focus on being the woman of his.  So I am hitting the gym everyday and working on being my best most positive successful self!

I am also checking my shirts a little closer before I leave the house.

Day 54: Oops I did it again

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Saturday was a busy day.  I was running around getting things done, then I  had a friend over for dinner.  The boys had some friends there too – In the middle of dinner my kids say…  “Mom, is your shirt inside out?”

Yes – it was.

It had been all day.

Again.

I am 41 years old and I can’t dress myself.

I have no excuse – but I think I’m going to blame it on the single mom thing.

Day 53: You know your a single mom when…

Used with Permission of Artist Jason Secrest

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You know your a single mom when…

You open your briefcase at work and a action figure falls out.

You only had time to shave one leg this morning.

You hide in the bathroom for some alone time.

Your 11 year old orders Chinese Food with her allowance, by her self, because your still at work and there’s nothing to eat.

Your children fight and tattle on each other by text message while your at the office – so you don’t miss anything.

You ask a colleague at work where you can find the “potty.”

You look in the office bathroom mirror and realize you still have a Dora sticker on your cheek.

Racing to the post office, dry cleaners, bank and grocery store on your lunch hour feels luxurious because you don’t have a tantrum-throwing five year-old in tow.

You changed out a light fixture with a  jewelry screwdriver and you use a shoe for a hammer.

You own a king size bed because you need extra space for… storybooks… your laptop… and 3 kids.

You go to the gym to socialize not to workout.

You count the sprinkles on each kids’ cupcake to make sure they’re equal.

You can participate in a conference call from the sidelines of a middle school soccer game.

Your call your time spent commuting back and forth to work “me time.”

When your child throws up you actually catch it.

You say at least once a day… “I’m not cut out for this job,” but you know you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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I am really grateful today for the friends who show up and help me with all that “Male” stuff – which I get in trouble trying to do on my own.  Like anything involving tools, carrying heavy objects, engineering or mechanical know-how.

(Yes, hanging pictures apparently requires mechanical know-how because I did it myself and the picture fell off the wall.)  It may have had something to do with hammering the nail in with a shoe.

Thank you so much Scott – your the best brother in the world.  Thanks to my buds- Burke, Justin and Bud for moving and reassembling that furniture – I couldn’t survive without you guys!

Day 52: Classes for Women

(These are even funnier than yesterdays!)

Topic 1: Silence the final frontier – where no woman has gone before.

Topic 2: You do not need new shoes every day!  Live Testimonials.

Topic 3: How to go to parties without a new outfit.  Graphics and pictures.

Topic 4: Man Management: Discover how minor household chores can wait until after the game.

Topic 5: Bathroom Etiquette I: Men need space in the cabinet too.

Topic 6: Bathroom Etiquette II: His razor is his!

Topic 7: Thinking before speaking and tears are the last resort not the first.

Topic 8: Getting what you want without nagging.

Topic 9: Driving a car safely – A skill you CAN acquire.

Topic 10: Telephone skills – how to hang up.

Topic 11: Sex – its for married couples too.

Day 51: Classes for Men

Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 male participants each.

Topic 1: How to fill an ice cube tray, step by step with slide presentation.

Topic 2: The Toilet Paper Roll.  Does if change itself?  Round Table Discussion

Topic 3: It is possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat and avoiding floor, walls, etc.  Includes Group Practice.

Topic 4: Fundamental differences between the laundry basket and the floor.  Pictures/graphics

Topic 5: After dinner dishes.  Can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink by themselves?

Topic 6: Learning how to find things – starting with looking in the right places, instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.

Topic 7: Real men ask for directions when lost.  Real life testimonials.

Topic 8:  Is it genetically possible to sit quietly while a woman parallel parks?  Driving simulations.

Topic 9: How to fight cerebral atrophy – Remembering birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates.  Calling when your going to be late.  Shock Therapy offered.

Topic 10: The stove and oven.  What they are and how they are used. Live demonstrations.

***Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.***

Day 50: I’m looking for me in a dress

(These are actual pictures from online dating websites of people who have written me!)

Love the outdoors and hope you do too !!

*Looking for Love –

Hope you are her!

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Yes this is a real profile picture!
If you wanna get lined up, let me know.
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I like to hunt, fish, camp and BBQ in the back yard.  I’m also employed. I’d like someone with similar interests as me.

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If your looking someone to ride, drink, kick up your heels or just raise hell with look no further .

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Come on guys!  Are you Serious?

I can’t believe that I’m paying for this.

Then I finally got a good one…

A message from a Gorgeous Man / Scam Artist —————————————————–

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Yesterday I finally got a message from a man who is sooo handsome!

I was so excited when he gave me his email address and wanted to know more about me.

This is one I would love to go out with!

Finally!

But because of the comment that Stacy Powers left on the blog about scammers I saw a red flag in the fact that he gave me a Yahoo address and asked me to write him there.

So I was really cautious when I wrote him and didn’t tell him anything about me.  I just asked questions about him instead.

Keep in mind that on his profile he said that he has a PhD, makes over $150,000 a year and grew up here in SLC.  Does this message sound like a PhD or does it sound like someone who barely speaks English?

When I got the following response the alarms started going off…

Hello  Kim,
Thanks for the email. I`m really glad you replied. Just going to use this opportunity to tell you a little about myself, hopefully i won’t bore you to death. I am British with a Finnish mother. I pick up and lose languages easily.

I am a very passionate man and I’d give all i got to the woman that my heart chooses. I believe in spending time with my woman cus i know alot can be achieved if man and woman can share quality time together. I really like to sit down, study and know all about her. I mean knows when she feels sad or what she desires. I lost my wife 7yrs ago on delivery. My daughter survived though. It was a very painful moment and very hard time for me.

After this I locked my heart away from love for 4yrs. I was devastated for a while, but grew stronger later in the years. My daughter`s name is Becky, named her after her late mom. Its a new year and I thought I give love a new shot. I am really looking for someone that can be honest with me equally. By the way i really do not want Becky growing up without a mother figure, she is a great kid and i think I have done pretty well as a single parent.

About work, i`m pretty much all over as my job takes me places i never imagined i`ll be. I am a soccer scout and have to be were ever i can get a good player. Wont be in town much longer though as my next call of duty is in Africa.

I am also into expensive “toys for the boys” and motorbikes(Sell cars and bikes, more like a hubby job): Ducati 888 SP4 and a trail / enduro Honda CRM 250cc, cus i love the toys myself.
There is a lot more to tell but I don’t want to sound too boastful, but over the years I..ve done really well but live my life alone with no one to share it with.

(Just my daughter and she is also hear with me) Really want a change.

Look forward to hearing from you again.
Your admirer
John

This has SCAM all over it.

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Tip for Single Girls:

Be very very careful – because this kind of stuff is out there!

If it seems too good to be true – it probably is.

I really don’t recommend online dating at this point.

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There has to be a better way.

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Though it is not producing much in the way of nice dates –

It is providing a lot of material for the blog!

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Day 49: The real meanings to online profiles…

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No wonder online dating isn’t working!

My profile says that I’m athletic, fun and outgoing.

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When a man’s profile says…

• 40-ish  it means…                               52 and looking for a 25 yr. old
• Athletic  it means…                             Sits on couch and watches ESPN
• Average looking it means…                 Beer belly – the average american has one.
• Educated it means…                           Will always treat you like your an idiot
• Free Spirit it means…                         Will probably cheat on you
• Friendship first it means…                   As long as friendship involves nudity.
• Fun it means…                                   Is usually drunk
• Financially well off it means…              Rich but unattractive
• Good Looking it means…                     Arrogant
• Huggable it means…                           Overweight, more body hair than a bear!
• Likes to Cuddle it means…                  Insecure, overly dependent
• Affectionate it means…                       I will be all over you
• Physically fit it means…                      I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself

No one can say that I’m not fair.

Here is the female side.

When a woman’s profile says…

• 40-ish it means…                                 49
• Adventurer it means…                          Been around the block more than you have
• Athletic it means…                               Flat chested
• Average Looking it means…                  Really fat
• Emotionally Balanced means…              Medicated
• Feminist it means…                              Ball buster
• Free Spirit it means…                          Substance user
• Friendship first it means…                    Trying to live down reputation as a slut
• Fun it means…                                    Annoying
• Gentle it means…                               Comatose
• New Age it means…                            Doesn’t shave armpits or legs
• Old Fashion it means…                        Prude
• Open Minded it means…                      Getting desperate
• Outgoing it means…                            Loud
• Passionate it means…                         Easy
• Organized it mean…                           Controlling
• Romantic it means…                           Looks better by candle light
• Wants Soulmate it means…                 One step away from stalking

Day 48: Advice for men…

Tammy and I were talking today about some things we wish MEN knew.

Would you like to know some things that would make women very attracted to you?

Number one:  Smell good

Women have a very sensitive sense of smell, especially women who are moms.  It has something to do with being pregnant and it never goes away.

We can smell something a mile away – good or bad.

So we want to recommend some really good products that will make you smell good and give you a better shot with women.

1) Mitchum Deodorant –

A really good deodorant is a must.  I went out with a guy once who didn’t believe in store bought products. He thought they were filled with poison, so he just used baking soda as deodorant.

I respect how he feels but the problem is that no girl wants to get close to a smelly guy.

It is a huge turn off.

I didn’t go out with him a second time.

2) Wear Cologne –

I can’t tell you how BIG this is.  We would like to recommend some colognes that make girls weak in the knees.  (Literally)  Go buy either Drakkar, Eternity for men, Polo Sport or Abercrombie -the one they scent the stores with.  We get turned on just by walking into that store.  Take us shopping there and find out.

(GIRLS PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS POST WITH OTHER COLOGNE SUGGESTIONS)

We seriously recommend that you buy one of these and wear it every day, lots of it!

Our friend JM does this and we love it.  He gets more hugs and snuggles from us women than anyone else – because he always smells heavenly.   Every time he walks in a room we want to nuzzle up against his neck and smell him.  (Would you guys like women to do that to you – wear one of these recommended scents.)

Even you married men – trust me – this will up your chances of getting lucky with your wife.

Guys I can’t say this strongly enough- the way you smell can make or break a date.

It can make all the difference in whether you get kissed or not.  Even if we are not totally attracted to how you look – if you smell amazing  – we may still be attracted to you.

Smell makes that big of a difference.

Number Two:  Be Thoughtful

Again JM is the example.  Every time I do anything with him, he asks me to text him when I get home, so he knows that I am safe.

I have not had a single date besides JM do that.  It is so classy!

Little things like that make a big difference to women.  Open doors, help us put our coat on, ask if we’re comfortable and if we need anything.

My god-father EF taught my girls an important lesson this last weekend about thoughtfulness.  Whenever we crossed the street he moved over and walked on the road side so if anyone was to get hit – it would be him.  I explained to the girls that this is something a real gentleman does.  He protects the woman and always walks on the road side.

They were very impressed and you’ll love this part…  when I commented on his thoughtfulness today – they both said “Yeah mom, and did you notice how EF always smells soooo good.”  They noticed it every time they hugged him.

I rest my case.

Girls of any age notice it when a man smells good.

One more hint for thoughtfulness…

I also really like it when a guy asks if he can kiss me at the end of a date.

If he smells good… I will  usually say yes.

If not… it’s a maybe.

Day 47: What Men are Like…

Men are like… Coffee

The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like… Chocolate Bars

Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like… Blenders

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

Men are like… Copiers

You need one for reproduction, but that’s about it.

Men are like… Curling Irons

They’re always hot and they’re always in your hair.

Men are like… Government Bonds

They take so long to mature.

Men are like… Horoscopes

They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like… Lava Lamps

Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like… Mascara

They run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like… Plungers

They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like… Parking Spots

The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.

Men are like… Weather

You can’t do anything to change either one of them.

All in fun guys.

Day 46: Spattered with Ranch Dressing

I wanted to catch you up on my love life.

I ended up going on a date with the “blew me off 3 times” guy.

I know that you guys warned me against it.

But he really wanted a chance to make it up to me…  and he asked so nicely.

The date got off to a rough start though because as the hostess was taking us to our table – at the very moment I walked by another table – someone knocked a huge bowl of ranch dressing off.

It flew through the air and hit me dead on with a giant splat!

I literally had about 2 cups of ranch dressing running down both legs and pooling onto my shoes.

Beautiful!

I had to laugh because seriously, this stuff only happens to me.

Gotta love a first date like this.

The restaurant helped me clean up as much as possible – but it took a long time for my clothes to dry and I smelled like ranch dressing the rest of the night.

This wasn’t the first time that has happened to me either.

Another first date I had a while back,  took me to a gourmet hamburger place.

I love hamburgers with lots of ketchup – so I put some extra ketchup on mine.

But when I lifted it up, to take that first bite…   a giant glob of ketchup spilled out of the other end of the hamburger and landed smack – right on my crotch.

We are talking about a great deal of RED ketchup.

I tried to clean myself off but it didn’t do much good.  I looked like (well, that time of the month issue) had leaked or something – I was so embarrassed I had to ask the guy to take me home to change pants.

Do you see a pattern here?

But the “blew me off three times” guy turned out to be really nice, after he stopped laughing at my ranch dressing covered clothes.

We went to see the movie Leap Year though, and throughout the movie the heroine gets herself into messes, she falls in the mud, she knocks things over – and my date kept cracking up saying…

…”She’s you!  O my gosh, she is totally YOU!”

Yep.

I know.

Another interesting thing was the guy turned out to be a professional poker player.

We are talking ESPN World Series Poker.  Like on T.V.

It was really interesting to learn about poker at this level and how to read people, which apparently is the name of the game.

It’s all about being able to bluff.  Professional poker is really about being an expert at not showing your emotions and being able to fool other people.

This could be a dangerous quality in a boyfriend.

Don’t you think?

Day 45: Why chocolate is better than sex!

(The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of this blog or it’s author.)

Chocolate is better than sex because…

You can safely have chocolate when your driving.

You can make chocolate last as long as you want to.

You can have chocolate in front of your mother.

The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.

You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.

Chocolate doesn’t get you pregnant.

Good chocolate is easy to find.

Your never too young or too old for chocolate.

You can have chocolate on your desk at work… during business hours…  without upsetting your co-workers.

Day 44: Not Interested in a Booty Call

I’ve heard it said that…  “Most men are just after sex.”

JM told me it would be this way but I didn’t believe him… until I experienced  it… a few times.

No, I didn’t have sex with them!  I fought them off.

I just can’t believe how often I have to do this.

Many of these men are like convicts who just got out of prison after serving 5 to 10 – and you are the first woman they’ve seen.  They are like sailors who are right off the boat after 8 months at sea.

Basically, they are all over us.

I was hoping that if I chose men who supposedly had the same values as me – they would be respectful and would at least want to get to know me before getting physical.

That is what I thought about my last date.

He made sure that I was a good girl, who didn’t smoke or drink before he asked me out –  then he asked to take me to Temple Square on our first date.

I thought this was a good start.

But now there is church security video of him trying to grope me in every room of both visitors centers and half of the Joseph Smith building.

All I heard throughout this date was how amazing I was, and how he really wanted to get to know me. When I went home he started texting me – begging to see me again….

Then he texted…  “Can I ask you a personal question?”

I replied cautiously…”Depends what it is.”

He texted… “What do you like to do most sexually?”

My response was…  “If you’re just looking for a booty call here, I’m not your girl!”

I have not heard from him since.

Tammy had one man explain to her what a “good guy” he was because he doesn’t see R rated movies and  he never, ever misses church…  then he was all over her the entire night.

In the end, he wasn’t sure he liked her because she watches R rated movies!

She wasn’t sure she liked him trying to maul her!

Obviously, it didn’t work out.

With some of these guys we know we’re in trouble before we even meet them.

We start out texting or instant messaging with most of them.

After a little while they say things like….  “I’ve been thinking about you …

… on top of me.”

(This is an actual text I received last week – right before the guy got deleted from my phone!  He didn’t give any signs of this and then BAM – the sleezy showed up.)

Again I responded with…” If your just after a booty call – I’m not your girl”

Never heard from that one again either.

I do realize that not all men are like this!

We have been on some nice dates with men who have been perfect gentlemen.

But we’ve also had to beat a few off with a stick.

We want to find men who share our beliefs… all of our beliefs – like the ones about having emotional intimacy, friendship, commitment and respect first.

Are there any out there?

Does anyone know where I can buy some mace?

Day 43: Warning to Single Girls

There are some unbalanced and scary people out there.

You have to be very careful when dating.

I want you to know some of Tammy and my rules regarding this…

On the first date we always meet the guy in a busy public place – We don’t let them know where we live for quite a while.

We also let some other people know where we went to meet the man and who he is.

(This would help the police find the killer/rapist/ax murderer though it would be too late for us – which kinda sucks but we still do it.)

We also park our cars close to the door of the public place, so there will be people nearby when the man walks us to the car.

We don’t let them know our last name right away.

We only give them our cell numbers – never our home numbers.

We listen to our “gut feelings” and act on them.  If our gut says dump him, we do.

We don’t let them become friends on facebook right away.  They would know too much about our life and families.

At the first red flag, we say NEXT.  There is no reason to take any risks.

Tammy and I have a policy against giving out our phone numbers to just anyone we meet.  Especially guys we meet at dance clubs, etc.   We usually ask for their number instead.  Sometimes they are offended by this – but that’s our rule and we stick to it.

We avoid leaving our food or drink unattended.  If we do, we are done with it and don’t drink it again.

When we leave a public place we don’t go straight home – we make sure we are not being followed and sometimes go to a store or a police station first.  I have actually pulled into a police station and parked for a while, when I was nervous about someone following me.

Having said that – I do not hold energy around being scared.

I choose to trust God that I am always safe and protected.  Then I am wise not stupid about my actions.  You can be wise and not be in fear.  This is the reason you pay your car insurance – not because your scared but because you’re smart.

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I WOULD LOVE SOME COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS FROM YOU ON OTHER WAYS TO STAY SAFE while dating… please leave your comments.

I have had one situation that was a little scary already and I had to firmly insist that this person not contact me again.

I even involved my attorneys by sending them all of the communications.  They will take legal action against this person if he contacts me again.   I am telling you this because…  If that person is reading this he needs to know that I am very serious about this – no jokes today.

Unfortunately this stuff happens.

But from all my research, online dating and dating in general are not usually a problem – most experts think that you are safe most of the time.

It’s just smart to be smart.

Day 42: Facts about men and women

These posts are all in fun – you all know that right?

We can all laugh at ourselves right?  Men and Women.

You know I can – because you watched my mopping video.

I also want you readers to know – that I don’t write about every date I go on – or about the nice brave men who ask me out.  I have had some wonderful dates with some nice and handsome men – who have not been mentioned on the blog.  So has Tammy.

I bring this up because we don’t want anyone to be afraid to date us because they don’t want to end up as a story here.

I had a nice date last night.

Tammy had a nice date last night.

Thanks guys!

That’s all I’m going to say.

Here is some fun for today…

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Facts about Men and Women:

A man will pay $2. for a $1. item he wants.

A woman will pay $1. for a $2. item she doesn’t want.

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A woman worries about the future until she gets married.

A man never worries about the future until he gets married.

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To be happy with a man you must understand him and love him.

To be happy with a woman you must love her and not try to understand her at all.

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A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change and she does.

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A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.