Day 178: The Law of the Garbage Truck

(A very wise and especially handsome friend of mine sent this to me… and I thought I should share it with you all)

Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.  We were
driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a
parking space right in front of us.  My taxi driver slammed on his
brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!  The driver of
the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.  My taxi
driver just smiled and waved at the guy.  And I mean, he was really
friendly.  So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that?  This guy almost ruined
your car and sent us to the hospital!’   This is when my taxi driver
taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.  They run around
full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment.  As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it
and sometimes they’ll dump it on you.  Don’t take it personally.
Just smile , wave, wish them well, and move on.  Don’t take their garbage
and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take
over their day.  Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so… Love the people who treat you right.  Pray for the ones who don’t.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a blessed, garbage-free day!

————————————————————————————-

The questions have been pouring in about what’s going on with RC – since his pictures are all over my Facebook wall and he is mentioned so frequently in the blog.

We are dating… but we are taking it very slow and just having fun getting to know each other.   We haven’t had a DTR and are not making wedding plans – I just got divorced for heaven’s sake.  I need time and space to figure out me as a single person and to meet lots of new people.

It has been an interesting experience though that I keep dating men who live in other states. What’s up with that?

Maybe the universe knows that I need time and space… or it is trying to keep me out of trouble.

Either way, it’s working.

I am not going to post the juicy details about my dates with him or anyone else on the blog for a couple reasons.

First, no one would want to date me if they had to worry about the juicy details ending up on the blog!

Second, I am really quite confused by the whole thing and still trying to figure it all out.

I will tell you this… RC is a really good man, (just ask his friends) with an amazing heart and is very thoughtful and sweet to me.  He also very handsome, is a good kisser and we have a dang lot of fun together!  (On the rare occasion we see each other that is.)

I am not rushing into any serious relationship yet though.  I am just enjoying the journey and am not trying to figure out where it is going yet.  He understands where I am and is just great about it. Like I said, he is a great guy!

Hope that is enough to answer my sisters, mothers and friends questions for now!

Day 177: This Life Lesson is a Biggie!

(This post was co-written by Clarity Point Coach Alex D’Albini, who is one of the smartest people I know.)

Can we all agree that we are here (in this life) to learn and grow?

Heck yeah!

That is the purpose of life…  “to experience situations which help us to see ourselves more accurately and then grow and improve ourselves… and to help as many other people as we can along the way.”

I believe one of the biggest lessons that we are here to learn… is how to stop getting offended and staying offended at others.

We are here to learn how to handle ourselves with love and trust when we are mistreated.  We are here to learn forgiveness and compassion – for ourselves and others.

This lesson (in my opinion) is the biggie we are here to learn!

It doesn’t matter to what religion or code of ethics you adhere to… forgiveness, compassion and love are at the heart.   We are, without a doubt, here to learn this lesson!

(And we usually date and then marry our greatest opportunity to learn this!)  LOL

The difficult part is we often see mistreatment when it isn’t really there.  Often, the actions of other people are not even about us – we just think they are.

Example: When my husband would come home from work grouchy and snap and me or speak unkindly.  I would take offense and be hurt or be mad at him, even accusing him of not loving me (nice victim stuff).

None, of which, was accurate.

He had a bad day at work and was grouchy (that’s all) – it had nothing to do with me.

Should he be nice and speak kindly to me anyway?

Sure, but we all fail at that on occasion and there is no way I could throw the first stone because I get grouchy too.  I am exactly the same as him – an imperfect human being.

I could bring it up and speak to him about it, from a place of trust and love.  Bringing stuff up though, while being strong and loving, produces very different behavior than getting offended does.

Though, getting offended when you are justified in feeling that way… often feels really good to your ego.  Sometimes it even feels like a win, where if you let it go…  it might feel like you’re letting the other person win.

Then, you can’t let go of the offense because it feels like that would be letting the other person get away with it and your ego (or your pride) doesn’t want to do that.   So you choose to stay mad.

You would literally rather be right, then happy or peaceful.

Isn’t that crazy?

Sometimes it feels as though forgiveness would be letting someone off the hook.  As if holding on to the offense long enough might cause the universe to exact some kind of revenge on our behalf.

The truth is, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.  The “offense” certainly isn’t being clung to by the “offender”.  The only person that is weighed down and experiencing pain around the offense is the “victim”.

If we take a closer look at what an offense really is, we might be able to see how ridiculous it is to withhold forgiveness (or more importantly, to hold onto pain around it) or even become offended in the first place.

In order to be offended we must perceive that a wrong has been committed against us, and that we must be protected against the threat that the act signifies.

Herein lies the glitch.

If a threat really is imposed, then it makes more sense to stop the threat than to waste time and energy in being offended.  Once the threat is removed there is no need for emotional attachment.

Let me put it this way… the threat with my grouchy husband was that he didn’t love or value me…  and that might mean – that I wasn’t lovable or valuable… that is what I was subconsciously scared of.

But did I really think he didn’t love me or that I wasn’t valuable?

No, I knew he loved me and that I had value.

It’s just that speaking to me that way,implied an insult to my value.

An offense is really an emotional attachment to a defense of an idea or mental image about who we are. Let me say that again- An offense is really an emotional attachment to a defense of an idea or mental image about who we are.

So, I see myself as good, lovable and valuable.  This offense was about needing to defend that.

The thing is, my value needed no defense because it is absolute and unchangeable – my value was never in question.  So there really is nothing to be offended about.  He can’t take anything away from my value or my goodness.  When I realize there is no threat, holding onto an emotional attachment around it seems dumb.

Having said that, I have every right to ask to be spoken to with love and respect but I should do that from a place of love and trust, being strong and loving to him while at the same time asking for what I would like in the relationship.

Though, from this mature place I may have decided to just let the whole thing go and chosen compassion and love for him instead.

Think of it this way… If I am attacked for being a human female, for example, wherein lies the offense, if that is really who I am?  It is in the implication that somehow being a human female is bad, that I create the offense.  Because I have an image of myself as “good”.

So what I am saying is…  Offense is in the eye of the beholder.

You may choose to see things as an offense when you don’t have to.

By itself an action may not have any meaning at all.  But out of fear, we create meaning and choose to be offended.

Forgiveness undoes that which fear creates.

Forgiveness happens the moment you realize that you don’t need to defend who you are and you can see the situation accurately, with compassion for both parties and without emotional attachement.

It provides us the opportunity to see things as they really are, and releases us from the bondage of our ego’s need to win or defend itself.

Another thing that really helps my clients to see situations accurately is to step back from every situation and make sure you can see the other person as the same as you.

Make sure that you can see the fear (both of you) are experiencing.  Can you see the imperfections in both of you?  Can you see how they and you – are just asking for love?

Your ego likes to make other people the bad guys though.  It does this so you can be the good guy.  But in reality you both are good and bad – you are both perfectly imperfect!  You both have good days and bad days.  As soon as you can see them as the same struggling human being you are – compassion and forgiveness become a lot easier.

I wrote this one for me today, it helped me to let go of some things.

I feel better now… I hope it may help you.

Day 176: Do clothes make the man or woman?

Behavioral scientists now tell us that they do.  They say that the  first impression people have of you is a strong one and this impression happens in the first 30 seconds… but could take up to five years to erase if you make a bad one.

I don’t know if that’s true, maybe for some people it is… but when it comes to dating, that first impression, based on looks, is definitely a factor!

You have all heard the saying “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover.”  But actually we all do judge books that exact way!  If the cover doesn’t catch your attention you won’t even pick that book up… or give it a chance.

Unfortunately, it’s the same with men and women who are looking for a date (though I wish it wasn’t.)  It appears that it is just human nature, to place importance on how someone looks.  Then if someone looks okay, we will take the time to get to know who they are.

An interesting example of  how much weight we place on looks, showed up in the first Kennedy-Nixon presidential debate on TV.

Many of the people at that time, had no TV’s, so they just listened to the debate on the radio. These people, when surveyed, thought that Nixon had won the debate hands down.

But the TV watchers said that Kennedy had won.  Kennedy looked great on TV.  He looked fresh, professional and vigorous while Nixon appeared tired and rumpled on TV.  The TV audience gave more credibility to what they saw than what they heard – and we all do it!

Steve Penner the owner of a dating service gave us some interesting information recently based on the feedback he has received from his clients.  He said that women quite often commented or complained about how a man dressed on a date.

They were definitely turned off by wrinkled or sloppy clothing or worn out shoes.  The men they liked, were often described as “wore a nice sweater and had great jeans.”  The clothes were often mentioned before anything else about them.

The men, on the other hand, rarely even remembered what the woman was wearing.  As a matter of fact, they only commented if the outfit happened to accentuate certain body parts.

The other striking difference was in how each viewed the subject of shoes.

Shoes were important to women.  Women noticed a guys shoes right away.   (If you are a man reading this – make sure you read Day 13: Shoes say a lot about a man… for more info on what shoes women like!  They don’t have to be expensive by the way, just fashionable and well cared for.)

(One of the first things Tammy said about RC when she met him – was “look he even has nice shoes!”)

Most men only have about 4-5 pairs of shoes.  Work, dressy, tennis and flip flops (and maybe a pair of golf shoes.)  The average woman has between 30-60 pairs of shoes.  I am not exaggerating either!  Women care about shoes.

So men, when it comes to dating,  your date is going to pay attention to what you wear… and she will pay special attention to your shoes!  It is one of the first things she will notice about you. Choose wisely.

Often I hear men say that they don’t notice or care about a woman’s shoes though, so we shouldn’t stress about them. (Though some say they do like heels the best.)  But most of the time they don’t really care that much which shoes a woman is wearing.

That is not the point guys!  Let me fill you in on a universal truth…

WOMEN DO NOT DRESS TO IMPRESS MEN… WOMEN DRESS TO IMPRESS OTHER WOMEN!

And they take this seriously.  Way too seriously!  That is why you will hear “I have nothing to wear!” in a tone as serious as “the house is on fire!”  We will spend weeks planning what to wear to an event, while men start thinking about is 25 minutes in advance.

Somehow we need to stop trying to impress.  We are much more impressive when we don’t!

Men, if you are not sure how to dress for success with dating or choosing your shoes – find a woman friend who knows about this stuff to help you.  We have seen numerous men do this and it has made a huge difference in catching women’s attention.

Then, (this advice is for all of us) when you go on a date, dress as nice as you can but once you leave your house put all the fears or concerns about your looks behind you.

Focus on your attention on making your date feel important and cared about.  Ask lots of questions and listen to them.  Show your date your heart – because at this point – looks are no longer the defining factor!

Now it’s all about personality, generosity, sense of humor and kindness – let your date see who you are… and you can’t do that while worrying about how you look.

I hear women say this all the time… “I didn’t think he was drop dead gorgeous but once I got to know him he became the most attractive man in the world!”

Once you get to know someone, you are attracted (or not attracted) to the whole person – not just what they look like.  Often a good looking guy becomes less good looking to us when we realize that he’s not that thoughtful or sweet.

So while clothes play into a first impression and may get you a date… at the end of the day they don’t matter nearly as much as who you are!

So get ’em with your personality, thoughtfulness and love – cause that’s what keeps ’em!

Day 175: Being a Mother can be a stressful job!

When I returned from AZ on Sunday…

Abby my 11 year old daughter (who I adopted when she was 9 days old and is African American) was trying to take the lid off something with her mouth.

We all do it… it’s a bad idea though…

Teeth were not meant to be used as crowbars!

Anyway, she cut her gums opening the lid, and ended up with a nasty blood blister right between her two front teeth.  When she came to me in tears to show me the injury, I pulled her lip down and got a good look at her gums… they were black!

They didn’t used to look like that!

What the heck was going on?

That doesn’t look good!

They were not only black but also bloody!

I panicked… (I admit it)… to me this looked really bad!  Granted the blood blister and the cut, from using her teeth as a crowbar, added to the bad way it looked, but her gums were seriously black.

I’m like… “Oh my gosh sweetie – when did this start?”

“This looks terrible!  I wonder if they are infected?”

“Why didn’t your dad notice this!”

“We gotta get you to a doctor honey!”

Now I had her panicked too – on top of her mouth hurting!  Neither of us could fall asleep last night because we were so worried.

I kept her home from school… and first thing this morning I called two dentists trying to find someone who could see her right away. I was sure there was infection raging in her mouth.

Their first opening was 1:30pm!

I wondered…”Can we wait that long?”

So I called my mom, who used to be a nurse and asked her what she thought.  She thought it sounded really bad.  Now, she was panicked too!

She told me to check on Abby (who was still asleep) and make sure she was breathing!

(Thanks mom that really helped my panic!)

We were both worried about infection.

I was sick to my stomach.

I was “this” close to taking Abby to the emergency room!!!

Then Abby woke up… and I asked to take another look at her gums.  They were still black!!

She said, “Mom, do I really have to go to the doctor?”

“I feel fine.  My gums don’t hurt or anything!”

“Are you sure that black people don’t just have black gums and you never noticed it before – because I think they have looked like that for a while.”

Hmmm…

“Could that be?”

I never noticed black gums before now… but I don’t pull her lips up and examine her gums very often.

So I googled it!

“Black Gums – is it a medical problem?”

Apparently it is if you are a white lady…

…but not if you are an African American Woman.  For many African American women it is entirely normal.

Ohhhh…

And they usually start turning black around puberty.

Ohhh… again!

This is one of those things that a white mother just doesn’t know!!!

So I guess I better call the dentist back and cancel that appointment!

If we go, I’m either going to look like an idiot for taking her in for this… or the doctors, here in Utah, are going to be even more clueless than I am, when it comes to black people, and will probably panic for no reason too!

Abby and I started reading more about this whole thing on the internet… and we learned that actually black gums used to signify royalty in Africa.

A lot of people belive that if you have black gums you are a decendant of royalty.

She liked that…

…You can call her Princess Abby from now on!

Whew!

All I could say was… “Abby I am so sorry that you have a crazy mother!”

*

She said… “I don’t have a crazy mother… I just have a mother who loves me A LOT!”

That is true!

Though I may be a little crazy too!

*

So, since I’d kept her home from school, we decided to spend the entire day braiding her hair for the summer instead!

Years ago I had a black mother tell me that I must learn to braid my daughters hair because white mothers miss out on a special ritual because they don’t do this.  Most days neither Abby nor I feel real special about the project… it is exhausting!

We started today at 2:30 and finished at 8:30pm and that was only because her hair had already been straightened and I did really thick braids. (Other times it has taken us 12-18 hours not 6)

The good news is that she looks terrific and we will both sleep really good tonight!

The bad news is I might have to see a doctor now… because my fingers are swollen from braiding for 6 hours straight!

Before and after pics…

Day 174: Lovesac Lessons and “Put on a Freakin Shirt!”

I left the frigid May weather on Friday and boarded a plane for Phoenix.   YEAH!

But we didn’t get very far before the pilot realized we needed more gas, so we sat on the runway for a hour waiting to get the tanks topped off.  (Don’t they think of this stuff before hand?)

It was driving me crazy because I was kinda excited to get to AZ!   But I started visiting with the lady sitting next to me and found out she was going to Cabo!!   Great place!  Have a lot of good memories there!  Ha Ha

When I got to the Phoenix airport, RC tried hiding from me, thinking he was gonna jump out and surprise me.  But I saw him immediately ducked down behind some chairs and walked right to him.  I mean, it took me all of one second to spot him.

He was like, “How the heck did you see me so quick – I was trying to hide?”

“I’m a mom sweetie!   We have eyes in the back of our heads – we see everything!”

We intuitively know where EVERYTHING is, all the time, it’s just a mom thing.  The only reason they haven’t found Osama Ben Laden yet…  is that they haven’t sent a mom!

After we got my bags, we headed to RC’s house and I got to meet his new room mate Stan.

Dude when your room mate brings a new girl over – put on a Freakin shirt!

If you know Stan… and you’ve seen the movie Date Night, you’ll understand why that is so so funny!

But not to worry RC – I’m not into guys with huge bulging tan muscles and you are the one who schooled Stan in Lovesac snuggling – as a matter of fact, RC – you are so dang good at Lovesac snuggling – you could give lessons!  Seriously!

That night we headed to the park for Mike’s Birthday BBQ.  The first thing I noticed at the Arizona park party – were thousands of really teeny tiny ants all over the concrete.  They were totally freaking me out.  Thousands of them!!!

You know how that happens, when you see bugs, and all of a sudden it feels like bugs are crawling on your skin?   I got that bad!!!

So we are standing there, meeting everyone, and my attention was totally focused on the dang bugs!  I tried stomping on them to clear a little stop to stand, but it was an unstoppable tide – I could have stomped on ants all day and not made a dent in the ant population!

They were driving me crazy!

The gang tried convincing me that the ants were too small to climb up my shoes – which was ridiculous – ants can climb anything! – you guys were no help at all!

Then we sat down to eat… and in the middle of dinner I jumped up and ran away screaming… cause there was a huge bug on the table right in front of me between me and the plate.

(Ok it wasn’t that big – but I was already having the bug heebie geebies!)

There are a lot of bugs in Arizona!

They don’t do so well in Utah cause they freeze their little insect butts off!   (It was 101 in AZ and I came back to 39 and snowing in Utah – in May!!!!)

…  and I am too an outdoorsy girl!

While at the park, I also got to show off my newly acquired football throwing skills – I throw a mean spiral for a girl so prone to accidents!  (and I can catch pretty well too!)

(And yes I do remember the good friend who taught me these skills – thanks buddy!!!)

My homemade guacamole was a big hit at the party – the only problem with it was there wasn’t enough for Elliot. (But you were pretty late dude!)  jk – I love ya though so I’ll make you some more when you guys come up for the fourth of July!

Saturday morning RC,Stan and I had Belgium Waffles for breakfast!  The guys are still laughing at me… because I tipped the bowl, to clean the batter off one side and dumped it out the other side all the way down the cupboards!

It’s me – what did you expect?

That afternoon was a blast because I got to hang out with the Curtis Fam for yet another BBQ in the hot Arizona sun (Now that I’m sitting here with 3 inches of new snow – I’m sorry I complained about the heat!)

Then I got the rare privilege of hitting the gym with the muscle guys!

Seriously Stan – you can tricep press 130+ pounds?  (My limit was 10… 10 pounds!!  I couldn’t even lift the 40 pound dumb bell off the rack!!)

Though I did bicep curl a 20 pound bar bell!

(Yes, I do realize that’s the same thing as two 10 pound dumb bells – but it sounds way better – like I’m not quite so pathetic!!!!)

The guys were really patient to let me workout with them and to give me weight training lessons –  (though I think it was fair payback for the Lovesac lessons!)

I learned how to use a lot of the dang machines at the gym and got lots of pointers on doing it right – next time you guys see me I’m gonna  have actual arm muscles!

By the way, two days later, as I’m writing this, my arms are so screaming in pain – I can hardly type!!!

Saturday night we joined the whole AZ crew for CPK night on the patio (becoming a serious Arizona tradition!)  Though it takes FOREVER to get your food when you come with a party of 40 !  I loved getting to know Melissa, Marilyn, Jackie, Reed, Sherri and Terry.  (You guys were awesome – thanks for being so kind to me.)

Though I have to admit I was feeling less social than usual… maybe because my attention was on the handsome, delicious smelling guy holding my hand all night!

We reassembled with the crew at Julie’s Bonfire party out in the desert.  Though I had some serious concerns about the bugs, snakes and gila monsters out there!

RC’s family, had spent the whole afternoon… explaining to me how those suckers refuse to let go if they bite you… and why people die from the poison!  Thanks guys!

We had a blast making smores and watching the men play with fire.  They tried making sobe bombs, hotdog bombs and burning all kinds of other stuff – seriously do guys ever grow out of this?

It doesn’t matter how young or old they are… they just love doing stupid stuff with fire!

What is up with that?

*

The stars out in the desert were amazing though!

We were all enjoying nature, the cacti and the night sky…  until some genius broke out their iphone and started using Google Sky to see the constellations!

Everyone was so impressed… they all had to download it onto their phones right then and there.  Then, they spent the next hour… staring at their iphones!!!

You couldn’t even see the real stars because the glow from twenty-five iphones made it too light!  Geez you guys!!!

Then Julie and Elliot spent the whole night trying to bluetooth a ringtone.

What makes it even funnier was they were trying to get the “I’m Awesome” ringtone. (The version without the F word – which I’m not sure even exists) – so it would play whenever RC calls her!  It was hilarious.

By the time RC and I snuck away from the Bonfire – I was more tired than I’ve ever been in my life! That AZ time difference was catching up with me.

The next day we attended the Gila Valley Temple dedication.  It was an awesome meeting and the spirit was incredible.   This also gave RC’s bishop a chance to give us the “I’m watching you guys eye” – like texting him all weekend, to make sure we were being good, wasn’t enough.

Seriously who does that – we are freakin 41 years old!  I was too tired to do anything more than snuggle in the Lovesac anyway!

Sunday afternoon, I was back at the airport to head home 😦

Back to a summer day in Utah…  are you kiddin me!!!!!

I miss the bugs!

Day 170: Getting from Fear to Love – must read!!!

Last night I attended a Karaoke – Movie party in Salt Lake.

I must admit, it was a little awkward at first.  When I walked into the room and looked around, I didn’t see a single person I knew.  This is a really uncomfortable moment!  You stand there feeling like a loser trying to figure out what to do… or who to talk to.

Usually when you walk into a party you are greeted by friends who welcome you there or you walk in and greet the people you know with hugs and “How are you’s?”

In this case everyone was busy talking to someone or working on something and no one even noticed me walk in.  After standing there like a deer in the head lights for a few minutes… I recognized one girl that I had met a couple times before… so I bee-lined it to her and said hi.

Whew.

Jamie was so nice and started introducing me to others.  (Thank you Jamie!)

Eventually the two Justin’s came in and by buddy BC!  (I was so glad to see you guys!)  But an interesting thing happened inside of me at that moment… now that there were people there I knew, my comfort level went up and I felt more confident… so I then started reaching out to people I hadn’t met before and even some who looked as lost as I did.

I wondered why that was.

Here is what I came up with…

When you are experiencing fear… your focus is all on you!  You are worried about looking stupid, not being liked or being rejected.   You are totally insecure.  Insecurity, by nature,  is a very selfish place to be!   It’s all about you!

As soon as I felt more secure (or less afraid) my fear level went down and in this place… LOVE could show up again.  Now that I wasn’t worried about myself, it became really easy to focus on others.  After a couple minutes I was looking for other people who felt awkward who I could reach out to.  Why didn’t I do that in the beginning?

I was too focused on me.

So the moral of the story is… FEAR seriously messes up your life and robs the world of your love.  When you are afraid for yourself – you aren’t capable of loving others.

So I committed to myself the next time this happens to me… I am going to consciously choose LOVE and walk in there ready to see how many people I can make feel comfortable and cared about!  I am going to set my fear aside and choose love.

I am still not going to sing karaoke though.  No way!

And I am not doing this because I am (in fear) afraid of looking stupid either!

I am doing it because I love you guys too much to subject you to my singing!!

LOL

My friend JR and I started talking yesterday about why people are so quick to judge others and this tied into my experience last night.  It comes down to fear about your own value again.

You and I (all of us) have a very deep subconscious fear that we might not be good enough.

This fear drives a great deal of our actions.  It is in play in every interaction you have with other people.  You are always (in every situation) doing one of only two things; you are either giving love or you are asking for love!

Most of the time… you are asking for love.

You do this because you are so scared that you aren’t good enough – that you are only focused on you.  In this place you CANNOT  love others.

You live most of your life desperate for validation that you’re okay first, for something or someone to make you feel loved and valuable!  Your whole life is focused on trying to feel okay about you.

(This is a silly fear of course because your value is never in question at all.  You are and will always be infinitely and absolutely valuable and nothing you do can change it!  Your value was set by God and you do not have to earn it!)

But your subconscious mind doesn’t believe this… and remains scared to death!

Another way we subconsciously try to get validation is by looking for the bad in others.

Think of it this way, the voice of fear in your mind believes that if you can see bad in others, if you can make them “the bad guy” then you must, by default, be the “good guy”.

When you find mistakes, character flaws or badness in another person… there is a subconscious feeling of superiority that shows up.

“Yeah, I am the good guy in this drama!”

That is how it works in every book, TV show, movie or play I have ever seen.  There are always good guys and bad guys!  Life wouldn’t exist without them!  Right?

So your brain has been trained so well in drama and conflict that it now expects, in any situation, to find people who fit these critical roles.  It is always on the lookout for people who’s actions are questionable or who’s behavior is unacceptable in some way… and your brain then locks in on this behavior and screams “bad guy!”

Ha!  See…  now I have proof I’m the “good guy”!

The problem is… in reality we are all exactly the same.

We all have both good and bad in us.

We all have good moments and bad moments.  We all make mistakes and are sometimes selfish or rude.  We all do it!  There are no good guys and bad guys… There is just all of us imperfect, stupid, struggling, scared, trying to do better but screwing up all the time human beings!  There is just all of us imperfect but amazing, gifted and innately good, same as everyone else human beings!

We are all the same.

If we were to see people accurately, we would see them with compassion and forgiveness because we would see that they are the same as us.  They may have different weaknesses than ours but we both have weaknesses!  No one is better than another.

We would see their infinite and absolute value along with our own!  We would realize that we don’t have anything to be afraid of… we are all good enough… and we could just start loving each other.

So that’s Coach Kim’s tip for the day – step back out of fear and just love people!

It makes life a lot more fun!

Day 169: Understanding Female Words (for men)

Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine.”

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine.”

Go Ahead” (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care.” You will get a raised eyebrow “Go ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

:::……: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men.  A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing.”

…::…: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that.”… Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says “Oh” before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie.

Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay,” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go ahead.” At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay.”

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.

Thanks a lot: This is much different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks a lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

I hope this clears up most misunderstandings…

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Day 168: Asked to dance… can a girl say no?

I posed the question to a group of friends recently… When someone asks you to dance (and you are really not interested in dancing with them) do you have to say YES to be nice, or would it be nicer to be honest and say NO?

Here are some responses I gathered:

Why should anyone be forced to dance with someone they dont want to dance with??  That is nuts.   I think back to all my junior high and high school dances… there was this one kid that forever smelled of BO and his breath was like old cheese, not someone I want to be close to for even one minute!!! You definitely have the right to politely say NO.

It is ok to say ‘no’, but generally a healthy philosophy to this is not to. If you need a rest or had promised someone the next dance simply say so politely. Always give someone a chance it takes courage to ask another to dance.

Would you like to dance? Would you like to smoke this? Would you like to have sex with me?  We don’t want to teach a young girl (or boy) that to hurt someone’s feelings trumps your own personal choices.  The correct answer is….(and I have used it many times)…..”No thank you” and smile.  When we had to dances in school you better believe I turned down Thomas the nose picker as well as sweaty Greg.  Please stop with the political correctness people before you raise a generation of pansies.

Saying no is not very nice. Even if you know that the person asking is not a good dancer, you should dance at least one dance unless the person is abusive or has harmed you when dancing in the past. Also, don’t forget, it is rude to decline one person’s invitation and accept the next one’s.  Even excuses like, “Thank you, I am taking a break,” or “Thank you, I’ve promised this dance to someone else,”are a a rejection to the person asking. “No, thank you,” or “Not just now; maybe later” should be used with integrity.

It depends on the day. If the day ends in “Y”, you’re allowed to say NO.If the day ends in any other letter, you have to say “YES” and be nice. However, I will say that you will never know how cool a person can be if you say “NO”, but you may miss meeting the real Mr. Right if you say “YES” to be nice.

I’ll take a stab at this! 🙂 I think everyone deserves ONE dance. … so yeah, be nice. It’s a 3 minute dance, not a marriage proposal. If they ask again, and you really just can’t go through the trauma 2nd time, I think it’s acceptable to kick them to the curb. (in a respectable manner) … I personally have a much higher respect for women (and men) who are open and say “yes”.

As a dance instructor, I give the following advice to ladies: If it is a fast song, and the guy looks okay, say yes, and dance one song. If however, it is a slow song, and you are not interested, never feel bashful about turning the guy down–you may say–if you feel inclined–that you will dance with him on a fast song. In my opinion, NO female should ever feel obligated to allow a man to touch her (such as when dancing slow).

So the question is…

What have I learned here and what am I going to do when this happens to me?

Well, I have learned that you can’t really tell what someone is like, unless you take a risk and dance with them.  Twice recently I was asked to dance by someone who looked good, but once we started dancing and talking – I realized wasn’t someone I’d like to spend further time with. One was a really handsome guy who ended up being the goofiest dancer I’ve ever seen!

So the converse might be true also.  There may be someone who doesn’t seem attractive at first but could end up being a really great guy.  (I admit though, that this may be a long shot.)

I will agree to spend 3-4 minutes dancing a fast dance with almost anyone who is brave enough to ask me.  Though I leave that open with an “almost” because I always listen to my intuition and if it is saying no – I will say no!

There are some people who have really bad energy around them and I would not feel comfortable dancing with them at all.  I also think that I would not feel comfortable slow dancing with just anyone.  But again I am going to listen to my intuition.

In the end that’s what it always comes down to with me – listen to my gut!  I think that is probably good advice for all of us.  We usually have the answers to most of our questions already inside of us.  We just need to trust ourselves and listen!

That way, if it is the right thing for me to dance with someone who may not be attractive to me – I will just feel good about it and accept.  If there is a warning in my gut about someone, I will know that too and politely decline.

Though at the end of the day… I will probably keep using the BYOM approach and stay busy dancing with my guy friends.  You may want to read the post I wrote when I explained the BYOM approach at   Day 117: Nothing like an LDS singles dance to make you want to die

Day 167: Today I begin a new life… yet again!

I realized today that it takes a little while to figure out what kind of single person you want to be, right after getting divorced.  You had your identity as a married person and all of a sudden that’s not who you are anymore.  So you have to find your groove again.

My friend BG, who is even more recently divorced than I am, said that very thing to me a few weeks ago, “I gotta figure out what kind of single person I want to be.”

And it’s a process…  it takes some time.

I am totally still trying to figure it out… it’s only been 167 days after all!

I’m not sure if I am ready for a relationship yet.  I have wanted to date – But am I ready to get serious with someone or should I give myself more time?  I lean towards the latter today, because I am still seriously confused about what I want in a relationship and if I don’t know what I want, it could be rough for someone else to hit that moving target.

But dating is helping me to figure it out.  The dating process is so interesting – I learn something important from every date I go on and every person I meet.  I am learning so much about myself in this process.  It is interesting how different people make you feel differently about yourself and you can bring out different things in each other.   I am just fascinated by the whole process.

I can’t say that I’m not making mistakes in it, but I can say… that I am sure learning from them.  Sometimes that’s all you can say!

“Hey everybody – I’m a human being in process here – don’t judge me yet – cause I ain’t done growing and learning!”

Could we all give each other room or permission to keep working on ourselves?  We are far from a finished product – we are works in process!

Life is a difficult predicament and we are all doing the best we can with what we know and can see in the moment – considering how flawed and human we are – it’s amazing we get anything right.

Life is seriously a crazy adventure!

When I named the blog that… I had no idea just how crazy it would be.  I hadn’t had even one mishap at that point!  Ah those were the days… blissfully ignorant to what I was getting into.

I had an interesting conversation with an old friend today, who has also been trying to figure it all out.  (I don’t mean that you’re old DB – cause you’re my age and we ain’t old!  We just haven’t talked in a while!)

But I realized again, through that conversation, that I still need to work on being the woman I am meant to be – instead of spending time trying to find the right guy!

Instead of looking for the man of my dreams – I  just need to work on being the woman of his!

So I pulled out the coaching homework I assigned myself a few months ago.  (Which I have not been reading even though I should have been!  My clients have permission to scold me – I deserve it!)

I had written up a beautiful page about who I am and am working to become more fully.  It was a pretty good piece of writing, if I say so myself!  So today I have committed to myself to read this page 3 times a day, just like my Og Mandino scrolls!

(I will probably keep it in the bathroom, since I have some alone time in there a few times a day.  Many of my clients have had success with this system!)

Bottom line – I am going to be better than I have been – I am going to live more worthy of my divine nature!  I am going to live with more love.

My daughter and I have both been blessed recently with an experience around having someone not like us – (can you believe that?)… and basically accuse us of something we didn’t do.  It’s a weird thing, this experience, and even weirder that we are both going through the same thing at the same time!

That can’t be a coincidence – there is something we are supposed to learn here together.

There is nothing we can do about this though, either of us, to fix how these people feel.  They have passed judgment and are not open to seeing that we have good hearts and didn’t do what they think we did.

Her friend is also speaking bad of her, to others at school, which is a very painful experience.  What can we do here?  What are our options?

Really nothing… except strive to live by our values, so that our love for others speaks louder than the words someone may say about us.   And maybe pray that the other person’s heart will be softened.

That’s really all you can do.

You can choose to keep striving to be better, kinder and more loving in the future.  You can keep trying to be your best self.   That’s about it!

So, today’s post is just my feelings and ramblings about stepping it up and figuring things out… but it has helped me to write them… I hope they have some value to you too.

I will leave you with a quote from my favorite author Og Mandino…

Today I begin a new life… (yet again)… and I make a solemn oath to myself that nothing will retard my new life’s growth.  Today my old skin has become as dust.  I will walk tall among men and they will know me not, for today I am a new man, with a new life.

Gotta love Og!

Day 166: I guess we have this insane idea that somehow this one is gonna be different!

Do you have any idea how complicated it can be for a single mom to get a night on the town?

My kids dad only takes them 4 nights a month.  That means I only have 4 nights a month for me – when I can have some fun.  Bottom line, sometimes that just isn’t enough!

If  I had young children I could just get a baby sitter, but because mine are teen-agers – it is actually more complicated.  What they need is a taxi driver.

Saturday, Tammy and I decided that we really wanted to attend the conference dance (I don’t know why we are such gluttons for punishment but we thought we’d give a Utah conference a try.)

All day I was trying to figure out how I could possibly be free from 6:30 to 12:30 pm.

My parents offered to take my girls overnight but my 15 year old didn’t want to go with grandparents, cause she wanted to hang out with her friends, but that would require getting picked up at 11pm – which is something I don’t want to do – but I love the girl so I will!

I finally got Laney dropped off with her friends but the only way I could make dinner at 6:30 was to drive Abby out to the airport to the Wingpoint golf course to give her to my parents.  I made it back (barely) in time to meet friends at the Pie Pizzaria!

Whew!

Then it was hot as a freakin oven down there (either that or I’ve started having my 41 year old hot flashes) but the company was awesome!  Ally, Eric, Brandon and Cleon, you guys are a riot and I love you!!!!

Don’t know how you could have missed us Brad!  We were the big noisy party causing a ruckus in the back!  I was watching for you the whole time!  Weird!

When Ally and I couldn’t take the heat anymore, we headed to the church where the dance was to be held.  We knew we were in trouble when we looked in the gym and saw tables set up for speed dating.  “You have to be kiddin me, they are going to make us do that before the dance!”

I’ve done LDS conference speed dating before and it is scary!

When people started arriving, they tried to talk everyone into doing it but very few wanted to.  The few who did were all women… they couldn’t get the men to go, especially the good looking ones!  They offered our friend Jim 10 dollars to sign up.

He still wasn’t doing it.

Brad felt the same way and had to get kinda tough with the people so they’d leave him alone!

Most of the people who came in, joined us to wait in the hall.  It got hilarious listening to every person who came in  turn down the speed dating.   Soon there was like 60+ people waiting in the hall – we just wanted to dance!

At least we got from free sushi and met some fun people while standing in the hall for an hour-  (Hope you get to read this Tom – we all enjoyed meeting you!)

Little did we know that the dance wouldn’t be much more exciting than waiting in the hall was – though the lights and the bubble machine were a nice touch.

(It kinda reminded me of the Lawrence Welk show – either that or a 6 year olds birthday party!)

We are also NOT big fans of line dancing – and they played a lot of line dances!

The other thing that drives me crazy is the LDS dance tradition to play two slow songs in a row.  It’s fine if you are dancing with a guy you like – but it’s terrible if you’re not – because you are stuck for two whole dances like it or not.

Unless you fake an urgent need for the ladies room!  (Which I have to admit I’ve done)

We were fine last night though because (as I have always recommended) we brought some men friends to dance with.  Josh and Brad – you were the best part of the night – you were also the best looking guys in the room and are the best friends these girls could have!  We love ya!

I have to admit that we didn’t last long a the dance though.  I was getting calls and texts from my girls by then.  Abby wasn’t feeling good at grandma’s and Laney (and all her friends) were going to need a ride!  I texted my 17 year old and tried to bribe him into picking up his sister but he was still at work at couldn’t help me.

Guess my night off – was going to get cut short!

We did make a quick stop to meet up with the gang – at least it was quick for me.  Tammy got to stay and hang with Ally, Cleon, Eric, Brandon, Janice, Joe and Jim!

I had to rush back to Bountiful to save the teen-agers who were stranded outside a church dance themselves.   My daughter went to her first church dance – on the same night I was at one (that was kinda weird).

Her and three of her friends were stranded outside a church – the problem was, that neither I nor they knew where they were!

How do you pick someone up if they don’t know where they are?

This is normal stuff in my life.

I drove all around the area trying to find this church – but couldn’t find them.  I was going back and forth from talking to Laney and then RC on the other line, who was trying to help me find the right church on the internet all the way from Arizona.

At one point I got stuck on a deserted road behind a train track.  Do you know how long it takes those trains to go past?   Freakin forever!

I think RC was laughing his head off listening to me try to find them!

I did finally find the dang kids walking down highway 89 – and then they really cracked me up telling me about their church dance.

Apparently it doesn’t matter how old you are… it’s the same story everywhere.

There was a really fat girl who fell in love with Laney’s boyfriend and wouldn’t leave him alone the entire night.  She was a total stalker and at one point Laney threatened to fight her.  (That’s my girl!)

It  doesn’t matter how old you are… LDS dances make you want to die.

Why do we keep going?

I guess we have this insane idea that somehow this one is gonna be different!

At least they give us something to laugh about!

Day 164: The Next Survivor Series

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget enough money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time-no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a school function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished, and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, backaches, headaches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings and church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:30 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:

each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size, doctor’s name,
the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor,
each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song,
favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if… he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called a Mom!

Day 163: Celebrate your mistakes and goof ups!

That is really the theme of this whole blog.

I make mistakes, goof-up, fall off things or otherwise embarrass myself on a fairly regular basis (as you well know) and documenting these experiences has been a very effective way to celebrate my humanness, to celebrate the fact that I don’t have to be perfect to feel good about myself!

I am trying to prove by example… that humiliatingly embarrassing moments can be fun!

With this mindset I can just be the real genuine me – mistakes, flaws and less than perfect features included – and in this place we can relate to each other better – as human beings in the most raw, down to earth way.

Don’t you love being around people with flaws?  I do.

They make me feel so much more comfortable.  I love being around people who are not trying to impress me and who I don’t have to try to impress them either.

One of my all time favorite books is one called “Trusting Yourself”  by M.J. Ryan.  My favorite chapter is one titled, “Fail on Purpose.”  In this chapter she talks about literally relishing in mistakes – being so open to the process of learning, that you allow yourself to actually celebrate when you do things wrong.

This is not to say that you should go out and purposefully do things wrong but that you shouldn’t beat yourself up when you do.

This is important because when you do things wrong – you often learn and grow far more than you would have, had you done them right.  Your mistakes are your very best teachers.

I believe that it’s good for us to have a few mistakes early on in life, because it relieves us of the pressure of trying to maintain a perfect record.  Drop your standards just a little.  Now, you should still be motivated to do your best and work hard – just do it without any fear around failing.  Do it from a place of love for life – not fear that you have to prove yourself good enough.

You are not going to do everything right – get over it.

Accept that you will mess up and you will probably do it all the time.  Accept that these mistakes have no bearing, whatsoever, on your value as a human being.  Your value is infinite and absolute!  Nothing you do can add or take away from it.  You are perfect in your imperfectness.

You are not here on earth, to learn to do things perfectly- you are here to learn and grow!

That is the purpose of your life.  Not perfect performance.

“Errors remind us that we are human, still in the process of becoming.”  Nothing that has a soul is perfect after all, as Rachel Remem writes, “mistakes not only come with the territory, but can actually help us find a wholeness greater than we ever dreamed possible.

The marks life leaves on everything it touches, transforms perfection into wholeness.  Older wiser cultures choose to claim this wholeness in the things they create…”

In Japan, Zen gardeners purposefully leave a fat dandelion in the midst of the exquisite precise patterns of the garden.

(I leave a whole bunch of them in my yard… just to make my neighbors feel better!)

In Iran, even the most skilled rug weavers include an intentional error, “the persian flaw” in the magnificence of every Tabriz carpet.  Without the flaw they would not be considered perfect.

(I love that!)

In puritan America, master quilt makers deliberately leave a drop of blood on every quilt they make.  Even the Native Americans wove a broken bead, the spirit bead, into every beaded masterpiece.

(I also intentionally leave typos and spelling errors all over the blog so that I won’t seem too perfect and you all will feel comfortable with me!)

These intentional mistakes are to remind us all that nothing human is perfect – nor is it supposed to be!

I often ask my clients to think of themselves as a doughnut!

A doughnut is made of sweet sugary goodness with a hole in the middle.  The hole does not take away from the value of the doughnut.  Why?

Because the perfect doughnut has a hole!

A doughnut is perfect with a hole – It is supposed to have both goodness and a missing piece – and these together make it perfect.

You also have goodness… and you have some flaws, less than perfect features and mistakes. But these do not take away from your value – they actually make you a perfectly whole human being.

I hope that in watching me celebrate my mistakes throughout this blog – it will somehow give you permission to celebrate yours.  Feel free to post them here too!

It kinda softens the blow when I do something stupid because my first thought is…  “Yeah! Another great story for the blog!”

I would love to hear your embarrassing human moments.  Leave them as comments to this post and let’s celebrate our humanness together!

Day 162 : Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

The ending of my marriage (my last try at love) really did burn my house down for a while and though I want to give love another try, I am definitely feeling cautious.

Any relationship I start, could end, again, in heartbreak for one of us.  Even letting my heart care about someone and wanting them to love me back is a dangerous endeavor.

But if you don’t put yourself out there you won’t find true love either.  The question then is, how can you be smart about your own feelings and read the signs in someone else correctly?

Thoughts around this idea led to the following article…

(This is a research article donated by a friend of mine – but it has some good info.)

Can you tell if he or she really loves you?

Not if you have only been dating a short while.

The infatuation phase of a relationship typically lasts about six months.  During that time you may think you are in love and that he or she  is perfect for you…  but it often takes more time to tell if you are truly compatible and whether you can really love the whole person, good and bad.

So take your time!

Then there are some clues which can help you read whether or not the other person really loves you and is committed to the relationship.  Here they are…

* If they call you every day.

* If they take your calls every day.

* If they get allergy shots rather than make you get rid of your beloved Fluffy.

* If they get ear plugs so they can keep sleeping, in spite of your snoring.

*  If they keep track of your habits and remember everything you do and say.

* If they want to spend more time with you and share the your favorite pastimes.

* If they call you or message you, just to chitchat.

* If they make you breakfast the morning after.

* If they watch the Bachelor with you and record Monday Night Football.  Or the other way around.

* If they have your back when you’re not there.

* If they go to the drug-store at 2 a.m. to get your prescription filled.

* If they use the words “we,” “us” and “our” whenever they talk about the future.

* Is genuinely glad for your successes, even if you’re hitting homers at the office while they are temporarily batting zip.

* If they give you space when you really need it.

* If they give you your way when you really want it.

* If they keep a photo of you on their desk.

* If they keep their promises.

* If they come into the room to nuzzle your neck, and then leave without a word.

* If they will come over in the middle of the night when you call to say you hear funny noises in the basement or that the storm is scaring you.

* If they stock their refrigerator with all your favorite foods.

* If they give you top priority over work and all other relationships–friends, fret brothers, even family.

* If they cut your grass/wash your dishes/assembles your Stairmaster before you even have a chance to ask.

* Doesn’t turn around–just keeps looking at you–when you tell him there’s a woman at the next table who looks just like Halle Berry.  Or a guy who looks like Brad Pitt.

* If they always turn around to watch you walk away and don’t stop looking until you disappear from view.

* If they say your name with such tenderness it sounds like poetry.

* If they let you drive their new car, and when you tell them you accidentally backed it into a telephone pole, the only thing they say is, “Baby, are you hurt?”

* If they brag about you to their friends.

* If he always holds open your door, pulls out your chair, helps you on with your coat.

* If they never take you for granted.

* If they say they want to quit dating other people.

* If they actually quit dating other people.

* If they give you the keys to their place.

* If they give you the key to their heart.

They are not into you if…

* If they don’t want to spend time with you or don’t ever want to go out with you in public and never introduces you to their friends.

* If they change their plans with you or cancel them last minute.

* If you go days or weeks without hearing from them.

* If they are only interested in chatting about sex.

* If they are not interested in going out or spending money on you – but keep trying to arrange at home dates.

* If they don’t ask questions or seem to be interested in knowing more about you.

If you are getting any of these signs – they are just not that into you!

Getting too attached to this person is going to burn your house down and leave your heart in a pile of ashes.

Day 161: Housework ain’t no job for sissies.

Today’s post was inspired by the fact that I have a huge pile of dirty dishes sitting in the sink – and I do not want to do them!  I get so tired of doing the same jobs over and over again – it never ends!!!

So here are some of my favorite quotes about housework…

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen?  Three.  It takes one to say, “What light?” and two more to say, “I didn’t turn it on.”   — Erma Bombeck

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?  Rename the folder…  ‘Instruction manuals’.

If the shelves are dusty and the pots don’t shine,  it’s because I have better things to do with my time.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.  — Erma Bombeck

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.  ~Phyllis Diller

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”   Joan Rivers.

And, over the last thirty years we have seen men’s participation in both housework and childcare has increased and women’s have stayed at about the same.  – James Levine

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?  – Erma Bombeck

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn’t done it.  – Evan Esar

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.

Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.  – Anne Gibbons

I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his house.   – Zsa Zsa Gabor

They’re sure housework won’t kill you, but why take the risk?

Day 160: Escalators, racquetball and playing doctor!

Friday night I ran to the airport to pick up RC.  He had flown up from AZ to see me for the weekend.

On the way to my car, we got distracted for a minute (okay he kissed me) and we dropped his suitcase…  and it bounced all the way back down the escalator behind us.

We seriously could have killed someone, we were so lucky there wasn’t a little old grandma or a small child coming up behind us!   But this meant that we now had to run down the “up” escalator to grab it.

That was exciting!

It’s tricky taking a rolling suitcase up those things!

Once we got out of the airport, RC asked me if we had a Ruth Chris Steakhouse here in Salt Lake cause he wanted to take me to dinner.  I said no, since I have never seen one.  Then on our way to another restaurant for dinner we were shocked to pass a Ruth Chris Steakhouse!

So we changed our plans and pulled in.  Then we realized we had to go back and pay to park the car, by slipping money through a little slot on a box.  Finally we walked to the door of Ruth Chris – only to find out that it’s under construction and not open yet.

Seriously?

At that point we were parked, so we decided to walk a few blocks to Benihana instead. We had a great dinner watching a japanese guy juggle knives and throw food around.  I really wanted to try it – but considering my track record on dates – RC wouldn’t let me.   I was dangerous enough just eating with chopsticks.

Then we ran over to Gateway and saw the movie “Date Night” –  It was great seeing a date that went even worse than most of mine!  I loved it!

Everyone else in town was going to Ironman 2 Friday night, so we even got my favorite seats behind the handicapped section where you can put your feet up.  Yeah!!!

I also taught RC how to eat popcorn the right way – by picking out the puffiest ones first.

Apparently I may be slightly OCD.

My obsession with puffy popcorn, keeping the bar stools in my kitchen pushed in at all times and needing to have one raisin, one almond, one peanut and one M&M in each bite of trail mix is a little over the top – I know!  I seriously cannot walk through the kitchen without straightening the chairs.

But for some reason RC finds my craziness attractive – go figure!

Saturday the brave guy decided to take me to play racquet ball.  Tammy’s comment was “Dude, are you sure about this?”

“You really want to be locked in a small room with Kim swinging a racquet and high speed ball at you?”

“Have you read the blog at all?”

“She almost kills people playing pool!”

But it turned out just fine…  because I can’t hit the dang ball anyway.

I swung a lot, but so rarely connected with the ball, he wasn’t in much danger.

He had also tied the racquet to my arm so I couldn’t accidentally throw it at him.  (What’s up with that?)

He did get hit in the head once, but it wasn’t my fault – he did it himself.

Ha Ha

Though he claims, playing racquetball, pool or any other sport with me – actually makes him worse at it!

Like my lack of skill is contagious!  Is that possible?

Later on Saturday, he offered to put on his handyman hat and fix a bunch of stuff around my house – apparently my single mom home repair projects are a little scary.  So we got out my new little tool kit… (Yes, I have quit using a butter knife and a shoe as my tools) and I now own a hammer and a bunch of other stuff!

He fixed my printer, two TV’s cable boxes, reattached the rain gutter that was hanging off the back of the house and installed a new shower head.

Can I tell you how great it is to have a guy around the house on occasion!

I decided to help him by doing the nurse thing – So I handed him (the doctor) the tools whenever he needed them as he operated on my house.

Half way through I said, “Randy, I really appreciate you doing all this but…  don’t tell anyone that we played doctor in my shower, okay.”    That cracked him up!

Now I can shower without bruising, print on my wireless printer from anywhere in the house and it no longer shorts out a couple times a day and my house doesn’t look like it’s falling apart out back!  Yeah!

That was a really awesome Mother’s Day!  (Thanks for the beautiful flowers too RC!)

Saturday night was Tammy’s Birthday Dinner so we met our friends at Rio Grande for dinner.  Did you know they have a giant life size lady in a taco there? – I think it might be a pinata.  It was a great meal and hilarious company!

We laughed our heads off reading Tam’s birthday present from Trish – a new Porn for Women book.   Don’t worry it wasn’t really porn.  It was just pages of handsome men saying things like…  “Honey you were right, I was wrong!”  Or “Sweetie just buy both purses – you deserve them both.”

All the things that turn women on!

The night ended with dancing at Habits.  For those of you who missed it… our favorite dancer was in top form Saturday with her swimsuit bottoms, gloves and a feather head dress on.  There was also some mexican guy who had some pretty amazing but slightly scary dance moves.   (And Brad M. you are seriously hilarious when you get loosened up – that was a riot.)

RC you have the moves!  Every girl in the place was so jealous of me all  night!

All in all – it was a fantastic weekend!

I just wish the nicest sexiest men didn’t live so far away!

I miss ya already!

Day 159: All I want for Mother’s Day is some sleep!

A Mother’s Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do, by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
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My aunt Karen is the mother of two high-spirited young girls. When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other.

“Could you hold on for a moment?” my aunt finally asked, putting down the phone.

Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute silence.

Then, “Okay, I’m back.”

“But it’s so quiet!”  I exclaimed. “You must have complete control over those two.”

“Not really,” my aunt confessed wearily.

“I’m in the closet.”

— Contributed by Steve Brundage

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I usually lock myself in the bathroom!

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Day 156: Cinco de Mayo is a weird holiday now

Yesterday was a terribly uneventful Cinco de Mayo.

Though I did have a very nice lunch with SS.  (It was a blast!  We gotta talk some more!)

But this whole Cinco de Mayo holiday is a little weird for me now because for the last three years it was such a big deal – being that I was married to a mexican!  I still have a lot of mexican culture in my home, I love speaking spanish, I think it will always be part of me, even though the marriage didn’t work out.

I had a great time posting my Cinco de Mayo jokes on Facebook, throughout the day yesterday though, so I decided to post them and a few more on the blog so you could read them too.

If you are hispanic, please do not take offense – I have so much love in my heart for Mexican culture and mexican people because of my ex and my 140 kids in Mazatlan.  That these are posted with love – ok!

This is my all time favorite Mexican joke…

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence”.

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow.  Now use them in a sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says…

“Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?”

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What do you call a mexican on a riding lawnmower?
Promoted
What is a Mexican ‘s favorite book store –
Borders
What do you call one Mexican on the moon?
A problem
What do you call two mexicans on the moon?
A bigger problem
What do you call all the mexicans on the moon?
Problem solved
What’s a mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross country
Why can’t mexicans play Uno?
Because they always steal the green cards
Why can’t mexicans be fireman?
They can’t tell the difference between jose and hose b
What do you call mexican basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Cuatro Cinco
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
Any Mexican that can run jump or swim is in the US!

Day 155: Hot Buns on Ice

For some reason when I got married three years ago I stopped ice dancing, even though it was something I really loved to do.  I didn’t plan to quit.  I just got busy with life and stopped making “me time” on the ice happen.  All of a sudden I realized it had been almost three years since I’d set foot on an ice rink.

Before my wedding I was skating at least once a week and having lessons twice a month.  Then I got busy with planning the wedding and my sister Holly (who was doing lessons with me) moved away… and I just stopped.

Ever since my ex left – I have been thinking about going again.

I knew that some time on the ice would help heal my soul.  Everyday at the gym, for months, I have been doing exercises specifically to get my core, gluts and quads in shape – so I’d be ready to skate – but week after week went by and I did not go.

Yesterday I was at my desk working, when a client called to cancel her appointment.   I headed to my room thinking I’d throw on some workout clothes and head to the gym.  Then for some reason I thought, “I ought to go skate!  That would be a workout!”  I called the Rec Center to find out when an open skating session was… and it had just started!

I grabbed my skate bag and ran out the door.   Once I got there, it took a minute to remember my system for putting my skates on.  It is more complicated than you’d think.   I have to put on thin socks, rubber ankle protectors, skate covers, then my skates, then fold the skate covers down over the skates.  Then I made sure I had my iphone ready to go (because I can’t skate without music) and then my gloves.

Finally I was ready!

I headed to the ice.  There were about 6 other skaters out there practicing their routines.  I was so excited.

I took a big gliding step out onto the ice… and fell flat on my butt.

I think I screamed too because everyone looked at me!

(You knew this was coming huh!)

I wasn’t embarassed because I fell…

I was embarrassed because I forgot the most basic thing ever…

… to take the blade protectors off!

It’s been a while – that’s my excuse.

I brushed myself off and tried that again.  This time I glided out onto the ice with grace!

It felt a little awkward at first, but a couple times stroking around the rink and practicing cross-overs and it started coming back.  I even remembered how to spin.  Not any great olympic figure skating move – but a simple spin and it was a blast!

I LOVE to spin!  Does that surprise anyone?

My other ice dancing moves started coming back too, but so did the pain in my feet, which I had also forgotten.  I skated about 30 minutes until the pain was so bad – I had to take the skates off and rest my feet.  I did this about four times.  I’d skate until I was in tears with pain and take them off for a while.

While hanging in the lobby resting my footsies – guess who I ran into?

The ice dancing coach!  So I got the chance to talk to him about signing up again.

I just have to do it!   I will just start with one lesson a month – just to give me things to practice.   I’m going to try to remember the first three dances and then start working on passing off the second level. Yeah!

This was a poignant moment for me today.  I realized how important it is that you don’t lose yourself when you’re in a relationship.  You must keep doing the things you love to do.  You must find things that nuture your soul and make time to do them.  This time around I am going to make sure that I take care of me.

I am also going to remember to take the blade covers off – from now on!

Now I must state for the benefit of my frient Rob M. who said that, “Any activity, with a move called a twizzle, doesn’t count as a sport!”  – that ice dancing is an extremely athletic sport and more difficult than you can imagine!

It takes tremendous effort and some serious core and glut muscles!

My ex used to say that all ice skaters had amazing bubble butts, something that he quite liked by the way.  Apparently a really tight bubble butt is an ASSet.  Ha Ha!

I guess it’s true since mine got grabbed at the dance last week.

But don’t even think about it this weekend guys because this ice skater has a date!

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I asked a fellow skater to take my picture yesterday.  (Since I’m now one of those “picture crazy” single people who has to take pictures of everything I do for facebook!)

The comment I got on facebook about the photo cracked me up…

“OK, So the thing that blows my mind is when you try and step over a threshold on a big boat you end up face first on to the deck with all your belongings spred all over like a yard sale and when operating a treadmill at the gym you end up getting launched off the back with your iphone following right behind you and yet you are able to gracfully DANCE on ice!!!!  One of the sliperiest surfaces on the earth!!  Please help me understand how this is possible.  You do look like you know what your doing out there, i’m very impressed”.  😉

Day 154: Don’t forget protection… and safety!

A little known fact….

The first testicular protection guard, or “Cup”, was used in Hockey in 1874…

The first helmet was used in hockey in 1974.

Which means it only took 100 years, for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies…..Quit Laughing.

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Tip from Coach Kim:

If you are running on the treadmill at the gym, swinging your arms as you run, and you accidently catch your iphone headset cord, which pulls your iphone off it’s rest, and causes it to fall onto the treadmill…

Do not stop running and lean down to pick it up!

If you do… (because you are focused on saving your iphone)… you and the iphone will be swept off the treadmill, onto the floor with a humiliating thump!

Just, so you know.

Day 153: What Disney teaches men about how to attract women