Guru Advice… what do you think about these?

The Post from GMA requests a Question for the Advice Gurus. I ask them this: My sister has run off with a shady character and no longer keeps in contact with the family. She moved 2000 miles away. How do we get our sister/daughter back? We are all so worried about this boyfriend. He has been mean to her in the past. Very scary for us all.

Amy

@ Amy

May I offer a suggestion Amy?   Because she is an adult (I assume) you can’t do much more than pray for her and reach out with unconditional love if she makes contact.  You will always get better results when you don’t question someone’s judgment or tell them what to do – but instead, ask lots of questions, love and validate them and ask permission, before you give advice or tell them what you think.

If she feels that you respect who she is now, she will actually be more open to changing things.  If you disapprove of who she is now and what she does, she will dig in to defend her choices.   You may be able to hire a professional to find her, just remember if you do… unconditional love and validation are the only way to build a relationship of trust – that will create a safe place where she will listen to you.

Hope that helps

Kim

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Here’s one that is always awkward: What do you say to the casual friend that corners you at the grocery store and asks why you didn’t invite her to your holiday party.

Marsha

@Marsha

I would be honest and say… “I couldn’t invite everyone I know, but it sure wasn’t personal.  How have you been though?  Tell me what’s going on in your life?”

The reason this works it that by asking questions about her right now, you are showing her that she is important to you.  This shows that you do really care.  If you spend some time listening to her now, the party will be soon forgotten.

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What do you do when you can’t get off facebook and you have 2 papers due within the next two days.  AHHHHHHH. Help me. I’m addicted.

Carolyn

@Carolyn

Make Facebook your reward for working on the papers.  Make a rule that if you spend 2 hours on the papers, you reward yourself with 20 minutes on Facebook.  (Stick to this new rule no matter what) This way you get both!

Good Luck!

Kim

Coach Kim’s tips for Surviving Christmas!

What is holiday stress made of anyway?

It’s made of fear that I won’t get it all done.  It’s fear about paying for the whole thing.  It’s fear about getting it all done in time and finding the right gifts for each person… it’s fear that the holidays won’t be perfect enough.

The holiday stress is all about fear.

So it’s funny to me, that long ago… on the very first Christmas… moments after baby Jesus was born… an angel appeared to shepherds watching their flocks by night and delivered the first message of Christmas… and that message started with… “Fear not!”

We seem to have forgotten that part.

No matter what your religion or beliefs are… you need to figure out how to celebrate the holidays without fear!

Hence my tips for a more peaceful and happy Christmas…

Tip #1 Decide to experience the holidays with more peace and less fear.

The shortest path to a happy life…is found through conscious choice after all.  You get to choose how you will experience your life but if you don’t consciously choose to trust and love, your subconscious will choose for you… and it will choose negative, dramatic, fearful thoughts.

We teach our clients that the way to live without fear is by choosing trust and love.  Let me show you what that looks like…

Choose to trust that it doesn’t have to be perfect… to be perfect.  Choose to trust that however it turns out is going to be perfect enough.  Take off the pressure… you don’t have to do it all.  Let some things go and then focus on love.

Choose to make this holiday season about love for others… instead of fear for yourself.  Lift people you meet with a kind word or a smile… take the time to ask questions and listen to people because it makes them feel important and valued… take the time to give your love to the people around you… in the end your presence means more than your presents.

Decide that your not doing fear, this year!

Choose trust and love instead

Tip #2 Remember that everyone’s doing the best they can.

So remember that grouchy people are just battling seasonal fear and it can create some pretty bad behavior, but this is where they are and they are dealing with it the best they know how.  So anything they do or say that feels offensive, is really not about you.

They are just worried about being good enough and their bad behavior is actually a cry for love.  So don’t take things personally this year.  Let offenses roll off.  Smile and send them good wishes… even when they’re mean.  Decide to be the source of love in your community and family no matter how other treat you.

Tip #3 Know your limits – say no!

You don’t have to do it all for everyone to be a good person.  Sometimes you have to be loving to yourself and tell people you are too busy to take on anything else.  I set aside time on my calendar to relax and it’s on there in stone, so if taking on one more thing would mean giving up that time… I’m going to say no.

Tip #4 Be Grateful

Take time to count your blessings.  So often Christmas made me painfully aware of what I didn’t have and couldn’t afford.  Instead choose to count the things you do have and remember that your life is the perfect journey for you.

Tip #5 Delegate

Get the kids and husband involved.  Studies show that in most families the women do most of the holiday work… spread the joy around and ask for some help.  There are lots of things they can do (not as well as you would – but well enough.)

Tip #6 Budget and plan ahead

Decide how much you can really afford and stick to it no matter what.  It doesn’t kill kids to have a leaner Christmas.  (They may not realize it now – but in the long run it will serve them.)

Make a plan ahead of time so you aren’t trying to do it all at the last minute.  This will make a huge difference and eliminate a lot of the fear.

Tip #7 Narrow down your list.

You don’t have to buy a gift for EVERYONE – narrow down your list and while you’re at it… knock a few to-do’s off the list.  Choose some things that you could skip this year.  No one will die if they don’t get a Christmas card from you this year… I promise.

Tip #8 Lower your expectations

It doesn’t have to be perfect to be perfect.  Let go of having a Christmas that looks like a Norman Rockwell painting or a house that rivals Martha Stewarts.  A happy calm Christmas will be much more fun.

Tip #9 Take time to relax and enjoy – schedule it!

Actually block off time on your calendar to relax, drink a hot cocoa with the kids, read books, nap or do something fun.  Don’t let anything interfere with these appointments… your sanity and your families happiness is at stake.  Guard this time and you will have the energy to get more done later.

Have a wonderful fear FREE holiday season everyone.

My best advice when someone ticks you off!

This is the most common question I am asked by clients – so I thought we should address it.

Apparently people mistreat us, hurt us or tick us off quite frequently, because someone asks me for advice around confronting these people every single day.

I believe that if we learn how to appropriately and maturely respond to these situations with love and strength, we will be able to tackle most of life’s problems.

1) Recognize it’s usually not about you – Step back and don’t take it so personally

It may feel like an attack, it may sound like an attack… but most of the time… behind the attack is an issue or fear that is all about the person doing the attacking.  (Whatever they are throwing at you – it is their stuff!)

What they are really saying is… “I don’t feel loved” or “I’m scared that I’m not important!”  If you can recognize what is going on in their world, you will be able to handle the issue with wisdom and maturity.

Try really hard to be un-offendable.  Don’t waste your time and energy defending yourself all the time.  You don’t need to.  You are the same you regardless of what other people think, do or say.  They really can’t hurt you.  Most of the time you could choose not to be offended.

Though there are times when it is important to speak your truth and confront someone in order to preserve a good relationship, if this is one of those times… keep reading.

2) See other people as the same as you – Don’t cast good guys and bad guys!

We all have a tendency to see other people as different from us.  Sometimes we see them as the bad guy and cast ourselves as the good guy.  Other times we see them as better than us which lets us enjoy bad guy self pity drama.  Neither of these is accurate and they lead to a lot of unnecessary drama.

It is important that before you address any issue, you step back from it and make sure you are seeing the other person as a flawed, scared, struggling human being who is not all good nor all bad – the same as you.

When you can see them as the same as you, you will see the situation accurately and with more compassion.  People are generally doing the best they can with what they know.  When they behave badly towards you, it’s usually because they have a problem, not because you do.

To handle this issue with maturity and love means being able to see your own flaws too.  If you are struggling with this step, get out a piece of paper; draw a line down the center and put their name on one side and yours on the other.  Then write down, on their side, all the things you are bothered with them for.  Get out all your gripes.  Then go to your side and take each gripe and flip it.   If you had written “They don’t care about my feelings.” – you should now write “I don’t care about their feelings.”   Then go through each statement and ask yourself… “Is this ever still true?”

You are not perfect either.  You sometimes get caught up in your own stuff and miss how your actions affect others.  We all do.  Just make sure that you see them as the same as you before you move forward to address the issue.  This way you will handle it with love.

3) Trust that your value is not on the line.

Being offended is about defending yourself.  The question is… do you really need to?  Is your value on the line?  It may feel like it is at times but in reality, your value, as a totally unique irreplaceable human being, is infinite and absolute.  It is NEVER on the line.  Nothing you do or don’t do and certainly nothing anyone else does will ever change it.  You are safe.

You will be the same you, regardless of how anyone treats you.  Before you address this issue and whether or not this other person values you… make sure you remember that even if they don’t… you are still the same amazing you.  You have nothing to be afraid of.

4) Trust in your perfect journey.

Your life is providing you with perfect experiences every day to learn and grow.  These experiences let you see things about yourself and teach you valuable lessons.

This experience with this person, is one of those perfect experiences.

What do you think it is here to teach you?  What is it showing you about yourself that could help you to become a better you?  It is not really about defending you… it is about teaching you something.  What might it be here to teach you?

If you can figure that out, it will change how you respond.  You may even be grateful for this situation and the other person who is in your life for this perfect reason. You may choose to love this beautiful experience.

Choose peace around this.  However it turns out will be perfect.

If you still feel that a conversation needs to happen, follow the steps below to handle it with love and build a relationship of trust with the other person.

5) Handle this tough conversation with love and trust.

This conversation will be most successful if both parties feel safe, respected and validated.  You can make that happen and it’s easier than you’d think.

I call this “The Trust Formula” and have been using it and teaching it for seven years… and it works every time.

Step 1: Set your opinions, thoughts, feelings, fear and concerns aside upfront.  You are going to start this conversation by respecting and validating the other person first.  Make sure that you are ready to focus on loving and validating them.  Take a moment and mentally set your stuff aside.

Step 2: Ask questions about what they think or feel about the situation.  What are their concerns, fears and opinions about it?  What is going on in their world around this issue?

Then you are going to listen (while staying very open and loving.)  You don’t have to agree with anything they say but you do have to honor and respect their right to feel or think the way they do.  This is what validating others is about.

You must stay at step 2 until this other person feels heard, understood and cared about.  Don’t say anything but…”Tell me more about that.” Or “I totally understand how you could feel this way.”

If you have done this step right, you will feel the other person’s walls come down.  They will not be defensive and they will feel safe with you.  Once you reach this point you can move on to step three.

Step 3:  Ask permission to share your thoughts.  Asking permission should sound something like this… “Would you be open to letting me share some of my feelings on this?” “Would you let me share some of my concerns with you?” “May I share some of my thoughts on this with you?”

This is a VERY powerful way to share your feelings and at the same time make the other person feel respected and honored too.  I recommend never giving advice or telling someone what you think about anything unless you have asked permission first.

(If only every mother-in-law would follow this counsel!)

If you follow these three steps you can handle any conversation with love and strength.  That doesn’t always mean the other person will be happy about what you have to say but it will go as well as possible.  If they choose drama and take offense at this point… that is their stuff and is not your responsibility.  You must allow others to experience their experiences however they choose.  You only have control over you.

Choose to handle yourself with maturity, strength and love – you can do this!

© December 1, 2010 Kimberly Giles

I got another email from Good Morning America – wanna read it?

Congratulations to all of you and welcome to the GMA GURU TOP 20!

We hope you all enjoyed seeing your faces pop up on the screen the other day. We are delighted to have found you and are excited to get going with the next phase.

Starting tomorrow we will be airing your holiday tips, in random order, throughout the month of December. We are aiming to show one per day.

Also, we will be asking you to respond to viewer questions that we are now soliciting. Very soon, my colleague will be in contact with you to start this part of the process. We will send you selected viewer questions and ask you to provide your best advice in written form within a given deadline. We will post your advice to these questions on our website.

Also, as social media is now an integral part of our communication process, we encourage you to use outlets, like facebook and twitter, to link to the guru page on our site and encourage your friends and followers to view your profiles and upcoming advice and also to weigh-in on the message board.  Most of the GMA GURU related content that appears on our show will also show up in some form on our GMA facebook page. Become a fan for easy access to links.

There will be more info in the next few days.

Happy to have you on board!

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After receiving this I got online and looked up the show’s Facebook Page – there were already questions ready to be answered.  Here they are with my responses…

Jodi – I am a new (very proud) mother to my 10 month old son. Recently I did chores for my mother & her husband while they were out of town & noticed that there is not a single picture of my son hanging on the walls! My sister’s children’s entire rearings are displayed, but not a single photo of mine. How should I address this?

Jodi –

I am a life coach who specializes in communication skills.  If I may offer a suggestion… it would be to assume the best of her, not the worst.  It probably isn’t personal.  But if you must bring it up try asking it this way… “Mom, could I ask you a kinda sensitive question?”  “If I was feeling bad because I noticed that you don’t have any pictures of my baby hanging in your house yet… how could I bring that to you, in a way that would still show you how much I love you and know that you love me?”

Then be quiet and listen.

She won’t get offended if you ask it this way and she will probably put your concerns to rest.

Hope this helps!

Kim

Beth – What do the guru-wannabes advise when a relative constantly brings up topics you don’t want to discuss or asks you personal questions you don’t want to answer?

Beth –

May I offer a suggestion?

Look for a time when you could catch this relative alone.  Then ask them… “Could we talk for a minute about something kind of personal?”   Wait for them to give you permission to continue – this shows respect and makes them feel safer talking with you.

Then say…“Listen, sometimes people ask me personal questions that I am not really comfortable answering, I don’t want to be rude, but I am just not comfortable talking about some issues… if that comes up with you and me… how could I tell you that in a way that would still show you how much  I love you?”

Let them tell you how they would like you to handle it.

Often though, just having this conversation will get the message across.

Hope that helps,

Kim

The Secret to Success Revealed! (Did Abraham Lincoln have days like this?)

It appears something interesting is happening in my life.

First, the man of my dreams showed up… and when I least expected him.  I had just reached a place when I was enjoying being single and was determined to live that experience to the fullest, when I met the perfect guy for me.  I knew immediately that something significant was happening.  The universe was saying…  in no uncertain terms… “This is the one!”

8 weeks later, I was married to this amazing man and started experiencing a relationship unlike anything I had experienced before.  He is truly my best friend and my soul mate.  He and I fit together perfectly… he is my other half (I never understood that before) but I do now and it is wonderful.

But I didn’t ask for this.

For weeks, I kept looking to the sky and asking, “Right now you send him?”

“Really?”

Apparently God and the universe knew better than I… when the time was right.

So how did this perfectly timed experience show up?  Did I attract it?  Did an all knowing God send it because I’ve been a good girl?  Was it just luck?  Why was I blessed with this experience when so many others, who want it, can’t seem to find it?

The Secret (book and movie) would say because last year I put in writing some details about the life I wanted, which included my soul mate and my dream job… I am now manifesting those things into my life.  It would say I have the power to create whatever I want in my life and good things are coming to me because I wished for them.

Being a person of faith, I have some problems with that.

I believe that God and the universe have some plans for my life too.

Having said that, I also believe that most of the things I desire, are in my heart because they are what I am meant to desire.  God and the universe know me and who I am meant to be.  This truth about who I am meant to be, is also inside of me and drives me toward both what I want and what God and the universe want for me.

They are the same thing, after all, whether I consciously realize it or not.

So all three of us (God, the universe and me) are working together, in perfect unison, to shape my life.  God and the universe  know who I am and who I will be.  They know what experiences I need in order to become this person.  So as I make choices and experience different ups and downs in my life, I can trust that all – is always well.  I am always choosing right, and my journey is perfect, even when things get rough – and they will get rough.

There will be some hard times in life, when I won’t get what I wished for. I can imagine and believe all day long and I still won’t get it.  (Sorry Secret fans!)  God and the universe are working with my subconscious mind to attract the experiences I need – not necessarily the ones I want.

Sometimes life will be difficult, really difficult, but I can trust that there is purpose in the difficult times.

Have you ever seen a baby bird struggling to hatch itself out of an egg?  You may have been tempted to help the little guy out.  For a while, it seems like he won’t make it on his own.  But if you help him… he won’t live.  That divine struggle to break out of his shell is vital to his developing the strength to survive.  If you rob him of that experience, he will not become who he is meant to be.

I have, in my life, often felt just like that little bird.   It feels like I have broken a small hole in my egg and I’m calling out to God and the universe… “How bout a little help down here!  I’m stuck!”

But help doesn’t always come.  I can’t count the number of times I have prayed for relief and help… and have not received it.  Every time that has happened to me though… I knew that fighting my way out of this, was exactly where I was meant to be – there was purpose to my struggles.  I also knew that I could do it or I, God and the universe wouldn’t have placed me here.

If I subscribed to the theory of the Law of Attraction, it would say that I attracted this struggle because I didn’t properly use “The Secret.”   It would say that I didn’t ask the universe properly for what I wanted and that somehow I asked for this.  If I don’t want this struggle I need to learn to ask for what I want.

That is partly true.  I do agree that I attract the challenges I need next into my life, but I do this subconsciously because that is how the divine process of life (the universe) works.

Through my free agency and listening to my inner truth, I make choices which are always the perfect choices to bring about what I need next in my life, even when those perfect experiences aren’t fun.  But I trust in the process of my life – that it is always the perfect life for me.

Does that make sense?

I asked for every experience.  I didn’t ask wrong or for the wrong things.  I asked for exactly what I needed next and whether I like the experience or not… the process of my life (the universe) is always perfect.

But if that is true… Does it do me any good to believe that good things will happen for me?

Does it make a difference to have faith and stay optimistic?

Should I keep believing that I’m going to get the job on Good Morning America?

Absolutely!

Living in a state of optimism and trust (without fear) means living life in an attractive energy.

This is the real Law of Attraction!

Living with a trusting mindset means loving God, myself, other people and life in general.  It is about choosing to feel safe in the process of life. It is about choosing to trust that good things are coming your way.   It is about loving, living and learning and approaching life with hope and optimism – and this is a very attractive way to live.

When you live like this, people are more attracted to you and good situations will come your way as a natural consequence of that.  So I wholeheartedly recommend having faith that good things are coming your way.

Just don’t forget that sometimes you may not get what you wanted… and you have to trust that those experiences are perfect too.  If I don’t get the job, I have to trust that it’s perfect.

You also need to remember that the universe might surprise you… because it knows you and who you are meant to be better than your own conscious mind does!  Sometimes it delivers the perfect thing when you didn’t even know you were ready for it.

I didn’t know that the time was right to meet my soul mate.

I didn’t consciously ask for him at that time but God and the universe (the process of life) knew the time was right and so he showed up.  I made the choice to accept the date though and  I did this because a little voice inside me (my inner truth) was guiding me.  I knew the right choice (I had the free agency to make it either way) but God, the universe and my inner truth are always on the same page, whether I realize it or not.

I made the decision to apply for the job with GMA.  But was there some divine guidance involved too?

Absolutely.

I can’t forget my business partners who told me about the contest.  Somehow the universe prompted them to tell me about it and I felt guided to fill it out.  (I never really expected to win though!)  Isn’t life an amazing process!!!

Does this all make sense?

The Secret or “The Law of Attraction” is true, but there is more to it.

God and the universe are also in play in your life.  It’s not all about you and your power!

There are also other laws in play.  The Law of Karma is equally important to understand.  It says… If you give nothing, you will get nothing. What you give… will always come back to you.

If you sit around your apartment wishing and believing that you will get your dream job…but take no action to find it, don’t expect the universe to deliver.

You must take action toward creating what you want.  Then trust that good things are coming your way – they will – but they will because you are working in harmony with the universe and all it’s laws.

Visualization can be a powerful tool but it can also be a fatal waste of time.  Many people believe if they sit at home imaging themselves as a successful speaker on stage in front of thousands of people, the phone will ring, and their dream job will appear.

That is not how it works.

If you want to be a professional speaker get out there and offer to speak for free to anyone who will let you, make phone calls, meet people and offer to give your gift to the world.  Then use visualization to practice each speech in your mind.  Imagine yourself on the stage and run through what you will say until you feel confident about giving it.  Stay in a place of trust that good opportunities will show up for you.  Have faith not fear.  Then get out there and give your gift to the universe… then the universe will deliver.

Work on being the person you want to become.  Take responsibility for that process.

If you are taking more responsibility for your life, taking action, getting things done, feeling positive about your life and where you are headed… good things will happen to you.  People will like you, opportunities will show up and you will be ready to take them on.

But God and the universe will never give you something you’re not ready for.  So if you are not taking responsibility for your life now… it’s never going to give you more.  If fact, you will know subconsciously that you aren’t ready for more and the fear of success will keep you from even trying.

If you are stuck… this might be part of the problem.

So, do you want to know the real secret of success?

Do you want to know why I think this big opportunity with Good Morning America showed up for me?

I focused on being the best me and giving my gifts to the world.  I actually sat down and figured out who I wanted to be (using my imagination and some inspiration.)  I also decided what it felt like to be that me – and chose to start feeling it.  I also felt in my heart that God and the universe wanted me to be that person too.  I chose to trust them that the right opportunities would show up if I trusted life, put myself out there and worked hard.

(So I showed the universe that I was ready to handle more good things by taking responsibility for what I had now.)

Then I looked for every opportunity I could find, to give my gifts to the world.

I chose a positive attitude and assumed good things would happen to me.

Good things did start to happen… because my positive outlook was literally attractive. People wanted to work with me.

So the secret to success formula looks like this…   Figure out who you want to be + take responsibility for your life + be positive and trusting + give your gifts to the world = good things happen to you!

I wrote this article, today, because I needed to get centered on these principles again myself.  This whole Good Morning America thing has been hard to get my head around.

I find myself on a roller coaster of emotion because I want this so much, but I don’t want to get my hopes too high and be disappointed. I am actually struggling a little bit to stay positive.

I am usually really good at staying positive which is surprising when you look at how many losses I have experienced in my life.  This pattern started at a young age when I ran for school officer (repeatedly) and always lost.  I tried out for cheerleader and lost.  I tried out for dance company and lost.  My dad started calling me Abraham Lincoln because I lost so many elections.

Each time I got my heart set on something it didn’t happen.  Later in life I experienced financial loss, health problems, marriage problems and finally divorce.  By now, Dad was calling me Job because my life has been rife with losses.

But I still consider myself lucky.

Good things happen to me all the time.

(And in the end Abraham Lincoln came out on top too!)

All those losses also shaped who I am today and there have been countless blessings in spite of all the troubles.  But there is still a little voice, in the back of my head, saying… “you’re gonna lose again.”

“There is no way you’re really going to get your dream job!”

“This doesn’t really happen!”

Some days, I am having to fight against that voice.

“I am worthy and ready for this responsibility.”

“I am a person who fit’s on national television giving advice to the world.”

That’s why I am here.

The fact of the matter is, I already beat the odds.

What are the chances that my little application would even get noticed in a field of 15,000 people!

I am one of only 20 finalists!

I could actually get a job with Good Morning America!

So I am going to chose to follow the formula:

Figure out who you want to be + take responsibility for your life + be positive and trusting + give your gifts to the world = good things happen to you!

You can’t control the world and what other people choose to do.  But you can change what is inside of you.

You can change your attitude, your perceptions, your focus, your emotions and your actions.

That is really all you can do.

I will let you know what happens next.

Could I be the next Dear Abby on ABC?

It sounds so crazy I still can’t believe it’s really happening. A month ago a friend told me Good Morning America was holding a nation wide search for an on air advice guru. They thought, because of my experience as a life coach, I ought to apply.

So I did. I took my time and thought of clever responses to their advice based questions and wrote a killer essay about why I should get the job and sent it all off to ABC in NewYork.

After the application submission deadline pasted they announced that over 15000 people had applied. I realized, at that point, the odds of making it were so low – I might as well forget it. A couple weeks went by and I had forgotten all about the whole thing.

Then Saturday afternoon I checked my messages and said, “Patrick who would call me from New York? I don’t know anyone there.” (I truly had forgotten since I never thought in a million years my little essay would stand out against 15000 others). But apparently it had.

It was Matt from GMA and they liked my essay and wanted to talk to me!!!!

Patrick and I both about fainted!

Matt was out of the office until Tuesday so it was the three longest days of my life! But Tuesday finally came and I had a phone interview with a producer from the show. He explained to me that they had read all 15000 applications and had narrowed it down to 50 people of which I was one. Now they were going to do phone interviews and cut that number in half I thought my interview went okay but I didn’t dare believe I’d done well enough to make the cut.

Then Friday morning I got a call from another producer at GMA. I had made the cut and they now wanted a video from me. They sent me an email with instructions to answer three questions and just film a close up of my face. And they needed it in two days!

Luckily my good friend Rick Egan is a professional photographer for the Tribune and he offered to help me. I was up till midnight the night before writing the most clever interesting responses I could come up with. It took us about two hours to shoot 2 minutes of video and then hours to cut it down to the 1minute 20 seconds they wanted.

This morning we sent it all off, along with a current resume to Maureen at ABC. Now we cross our fingers and pray! I also started looking up Dear Abby and Ann Landers articles to read. If I make the next cut there will be on air advice giving next!!

While looking up Dear Abby articles I found these questions which never made the paper. They cracked me up so I had to share…

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker
in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere
together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their
apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and
violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m
not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has
been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and
I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I
don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around,
and when confronted with the evidence, he denied
everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it.
Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t
know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered.
I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest
in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all
interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Remember these people can vote . . . and drive cars!

I’ll let you know what happens next!

Busted Naked & Disenfranchised

I haven’t written in a while so I figured I should update you on a few things… before we get to the naked part…

I have to tell you that it’s a weird thing to be as involved in the singles scene, as I was, and to all of a sudden get married!  It’s like being part of a club that is a HUGE part of your life, where you have tons of wonderful friends and then getting kicked out.

I miss my friends.

I am happier than I’ve ever been being married to Patrick – it’s heaven on earth!

So I am not regretting my decision at all – he is the best thing that ever happened to me and I love being married.

Having said that, we both feel like we’ve lost our friends.

I am especially missing Tam.

We used to talk 5 times a day (which I realize was a little over the top) but now I go days without talking to her.  This is mostly because she is busy planning and going to all the activities… and I’m not.

Things changed more than I thought they would.

I keep thinking that Patrick and I (if we went together) could still attend some parties – but it just feels weird.

So we are feeling disenfranchised – I guess what we need are some fun married friends to hang out with – but we can’t seem to find any!  What’s up with that?

Anyone want to be friends with us?

Okay I know that you all want to know about the busted naked part so here goes…

The thing is that we are honeymooners – who have seven children.

So we have to find ways to carve out some alone time when they won’t bug us – this is darn near impossible though.

Many nights we get tired real early… we tell the kids that we are totally beat and have to turn in.

Then we lock the door (which we don’t do on other nights.)   You would think they would be on to us that locked door equals having sex – but they didn’t really get it until the other day.

We had locked the door and were just getting busy, when one of them started pounding on the door.

I yelled, “What!”

She said, “I need to use the bathroom!”

I said, “For petes sake, use THE OTHER ONE!”

She said, “There’s no toilet paper, just let me in!”

There was NO WAY I was letting her in!

So I grabbed a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom, opened the door a crack, and handed the paper through without letting her see me in my naked state.

I heard a frustrated sigh from the other side of the door, like “you’ve got to be kiddin me!”

The next day the kids announced, “We know you and Patrick were having sex last night – it was kinda obvious!”

No  #$%@  Sherlock!

I explained to them, “this is a fact of life guys, it is going to happen – so let’s just set this straight  right now – if the door is shut or locked – DON”T KNOCK – and DON”T COME IN – you don’t want to know about it – so I recommend that you just walk away!

Please!!!!

A few days later Tammy and I were shopping and we saw a hilarious “light up” sign that you can hang above your door (like the one at a radio station that says “On Air” – but this one says “SEX in progress” we laughed our heads off at the idea of hanging it above my bedroom door.

I should have bought it.

A few days after that we were in bed and my handsome husband leaned in to kiss me  – and the thing is – that man can kiss!

He is the best kisser EVER!

So one thing led to another and we realized that we better shut and lock the door –

He jumped up and took care of it

A few minutes later the door swings open and one of the kids is standing in the doorway with a look of absolute horror on his face!!

As soon as it registered that we were naked – he shut it again – but it was too late – he’s going to have trouble getting that image out of his head.

All I could say is… “Patrick I’m giving you door locking lessons later today sweetheart!”

It was probably bound to happen eventually with seven kids!

Though I think they are getting the message about not bothering us when the door is shut!

If not Patrick’s contemplating a dead bolt!

 

 

Day 275: We were married on September 2, 2010

It is actually Sept. 7th today… so the wedding was last week.

As you can imagine I have been a little distracted to write since we’ve been having a honeymoon!  We didn’t go anywhere… just stayed home alone for five days… without any kids! yeah!  But we are going on a real honeymoon to Mexico in a few weeks.  But it has been wonderful.

I am more sure every day that I made the right decision and married the right man.  He really is my best friend and we have so much fun being together.  Patrick is the perfect man for me.  He is considerate, helpful, (he sounds like a boy scout LOL) but he is also very loving, strong, manly and very very sexy.  Being with him makes me happy.

We had a small wedding with just family and a few close friends at my parents condo.  The ceremony took place outdoors in the garden.  My dad walked me down the aisle to a beautiful acoustic guitar version of the brides march.  I wore a fun playful white dress with a dark pink polka dot sash and the groom was in white shorts and an orange shirt – we were both wearing flip flops!  Though mine had sparklies on the toes.

Patrick was sooo handsome, I couldn’t take my eyes off him.  (Were there other people there?)

We had written our own vows and each took a turn sharing our love for the other, then Bishop Flint took us through the promises and pronounced us husband and wife!  After everyone had a chance to come up and congratulate us we all moved into the pool area and had a party.  Lots of the cousins decided to swim while the adults enjoyed the bright cupcakes and sodas!  There were candles on the brick walls surrounding the pool area and chinese lanterns and little white lights – it was beautiful.

You can see the pictures on FB if you would like.

Though it was kinda surreal and still hasn’t sunk in.  Are we really married?

It feels like we are just on a long date and I keep thinking he’ll be going home and I’ll have to miss him again.  Even though we spent the weekend moving his stuff into the house and his clothes into my closet!  I keep looking at them… WOW… he really lives here!!!!

It was a beautiful little wedding and an even better weekend (that’s all I’m gonna say on that.)

Reflecting back on the ups and downs of the last 275 days I must admit that nothing has gone the way I expected it to.  I think that there is a powerful life lesson in that.  Life is never going to go the way we expect!

It is always going to be full of twists and turns we never see coming.   It’s not just the bad ones that surprise you either.  This good surprise knocked me off my feet because I was not expecting it yet.  I kept looking up to God saying…

“Now, Seriously you sent him now!”  “It’s kinda soon isn’t it?”

But things happen in heaven’s time not ours.

I think that God likes to keep us on our toes and trusting him… Surprises keep you in trust because in the end you realize that’s all you can do.  You are not in charge.  He is driving this boat and though you have the free agency to make choices you will rarely get to choose the circumstances which surround you.

Patrick (my surprise guy) and I both realize that our story is only beginning and that there are lots of scary and exciting twists and turns still to come.  We are currently reading some books on creating successful step-families and working on some structure and rules to help our children through this big adjustment.

Last night four of the seven children came home and reality hit us in the face.  The girls are both sick and everyone was grouchy.  We made dinner for 8, folded laundry, got homework done and ran to the store for medicine.  By the time we got to bed we were both too tired to do anything else – yes the honeymoon was over!

But we are still smiling!

My adventure to find love is over… but my adventures in love and life are only beginning!  I will continue the blog guys and plus Tammy is still out there looking for her Mr. Right… so there will be lots of stories to come.

Day 264: He asked me to marry him! In 11 days!!!!!!

Actually he has asked me to marry him every day for weeks and I’ve been saying YES for weeks too… But this time he had a beautiful ring and I was in tears.

This sweet man is so tender and loving with me… He makes me feel so loved and safe… And he is everything I ever wanted in a man. He is all my dreams come true. He is a best friend, he makes me laugh, he works hard and he is freaking hot! I can’t believe I have been so blessed!

I never knew that you could love someone so much that it hurt… I never knew what it really felt like to find your soulmate who literally is your second half. I never knew that I could really be this sure… In spite of the fact that a lot of people think I’m crazy and going too fast.

(We do realize that this opinion is going around with some of our friends and family – some of the most important people in my life are really afraid that I am making a mistake!)

I wish there was some way to let them feel what’s in my heart… So they could know why I’m so sure… But I can’t… So what do I do?

I must do what I’ve done so often before…trust my inner truth! Patrick and I are meant for each other and we knew it almost immediately. We knew!

I know that over time they will see that this is my “Mr. Right” – that we have a love that will be forever… But for now they are going to have to trust me!

I realize that they doubt my judgment because my last two marriages didn’t work out and at the time I thought those were the right thing too.

So these important people in my life no longer trust my judgement… I get that. I probably deserve it. But I’m not making a mistake this time.

I know that it seems like I haven’t known him long enough… But I know who he is at a level that most people take years to get to. I trust who he is… I trust his friends and family who have shared with me who he is. Dating him longer would be a waste of time because WE ALREADY KNOW this is right.

Some of the most important people in my life can see it though. My mom and dad met him once and could see this was right…apparently his parents feel the same way. My most spiritual friends and coworkers saw immediately that we are exactly right and meant to be. It would be great if everyone supported my decision but regardless… we are getting married in 11 days.

In 11 days I will be Mrs. Kimberly Giles. WOW

We are not going into this oblivious to the challenges ahead though. We are blending two families with seven kids (who are not all excited about it). We are going to have some tough times ahead and we are very realistic about what we are taking on. We also both feel that we are supposed to be here and that taking on these challenges is exactly where Heavenly Father wants us to be. He will help us through them… We are up to the task. There is a lot to learn and apparently this is the next phase of our journey.

I will still be writing on the blog but it going to become a journey of a different sort. I know that we won’t be the last couple to attempt this challenge and that we are going to have some crazy adventures to share with you as this unfolds. Just planning a wedding in 11 days is going to be interesting.

I will be writing about our adventures and posting pictures of our big day. I will also be writing about how are kids are adjusting and the things we are learning about making step families work. We have bought some great books on the subject and are reading them together. I’ll keep you up on the adventure.

Here we are setting off on the journey…

Day 251: Skunks, storms and love stories

I have really slacked writing the blog… so I figured I better catch you up on what’s happening in my crazy life.

I am still head over heals in love.

I fall more in love with Patrick every single day.

I know it is sappy… but it’s really true!  I love this man!

Every day I get to know a little more about him and every day I am more convinced that he is the right guy for me.  We are so alike.  We are on the same page on almost every aspect of life.  We parent the same way… which is a good thing since we will have 7 kids together if this works out!  (Yes, sweetie seven kids!)

We are on the same page as far as religion, intimacy and our goals in life… the only area we don’t agree about is which college football team we cheer for. (But I think I can overlook the fact that he’s a BYU fan!)

Yes, we have talked about the “M” word!

It came up when we’d only known each other a week… I know that may seem crazy… but there is just something there … something that neither of us can deny.  He just feels like “the one” I’ve been looking for my whole life.

I also quit looking!

(Which I never expected to do!  When I dated other men this last year… I still kept looking.  To me this was a sign that they weren’t the one.  When you meet “the one” you stop looking.  You don’t care about meeting anyone else!)

This time it was a no brainer to change my relationship status on FB and let everyone know I was off the market.

This girl has found the man she was looking for.

I have never felt so loved in my life.  Patrick loves me in the very ways I’ve always wanted to be loved.  He is very romantic and tells me constantly how wonderful I am.  (Gotta love lots of validation!)  He speaks my love language!  I am a blue personality who needs to be told I’m loved and appreciated a lot!

He is a blue personality too… he understands who I am and what I need… and it feels wonderful.  This has been a crazy adventure this last year and I never expected to find someone this soon.  I had big plans to keep dating and take my time before getting serious.  But when you meet someone who makes you feel this way… your plans change quick.   He is everything I was hoping to find… so I’m just done looking.

I keep looking back on this story though… how I met him and when I realized that this was something special.  I re-live that first kiss moment quite often and can I just say…it was perfect!  There were some big time fireworks!

But it is his character that I am most in love with.  I have always understood that in the long run, it is a person’s character “who they are” that you have to love… for a relationship to last.

Patrick is an amazing human being.  I respect him, I admire him and I look up to him.  He is wise and kind, hard working, loyal and he keeps his commitments.  He is a wonderful dad and really loves his kids!  He is a good man and I feel incredibly blessed that he fell in love with me.

One funny thing happened to us last weekend.  I took him to our cabin in the mountains and we were enjoying some snuggle time in the hammock when we heard a creature in the bushes.  We stopped talking and listened to hear what it was.  Suddenly two skunks came walking out of the bushes right underneath us.  He said, “Shhh, don’t move, don’t talk… if we startle them they will spray us… hold very very still!”

We laid there for at least an hour and a half… to afraid to move!

OK, it wasn’t exactly torture to lay in the arms of the man I love for a while… but it was hilarious that we were basically treed by two skunks!  When they finally left, we laughed out heads off at the crazy stuff that happens to us!

Then next weekend we took all the kids to Bear Lake and had a really crazy adventure out on the lake.  We wanted to take them all out on the water to ride the death tube.  But soon after we got on the lake the wind started picking up.  But not wanting to disappoint the kids we kept going.

All of a sudden it went from windy… to a gale force storm and serious rain.  We were getting pelted with water from every direction… the kids were soaked, scared and cold!  The waves were huge and the boat was really rocking.  We headed for the dock but so did everyone else on the lake.  So there was a long line to get out and we waited in the rain for quite a while.  It was an adventure that the kids won’t soon forget.

A McCullough adventure for the Giles kids!

We have realized that it will be quite an adventurous challenge to put these two families together… but we are still committed to making it happen.  It just feels right and I figure that if it’s meant to be… and we are willing to learn, work and love our way through it… we can do it!

I’ll keep you up to date on what happens.

Day 238: Is that a cow or a cell phone!

I know that I haven’t posted in a week… I’m slacking… but I have a good excuse!

I’m in love!

It is really quite distracting to be this in love!

But I am so so happy.

Though funny things are still happening to me all the time.  (That never changes!)

So I wanted to share a couple funny stories with you.

Last weekend Patrick took me to his hometown for the 24th of July Celebrations (for those not in Utah… this is our state celebration around the pioneers arriving here in the Salt Lake Valley.)

His hometown does this celebration up big!

His entire family was going to be there too… and I was going to meet them all for the first time.

I had met his kids a few days before, when we took them to the Classic Fun Center.  They are beautiful kids, well behaved and really fun!  It was easy to fall in love with them too.  It was a blast getting to see their personalities and just play!

Friday we picked up the kids and headed south to Fairview.  I entertained them on the drive with some of my favorite music by Inside Out.  They loved the “Jackie Chan” song, the “Squirrels” song and of course “I’m in love with the McDonalds Girl”… we probably listened to each of them about 100 times.  I also brought some toys from my house so they would have something new to play with… we were off to a good start!

When we arrived… I finally met my sweethearts parents.

They were very nice and I think we hit it off pretty quick.  They are very fun, down to earth and loving people.  I felt very comfortable.  That night they took me to a rodeo which was really fun.  The kids loved the cotton candy and I loved being with Patrick and the kids!  They are quite the little characters and had us laughing the whole time.

I know that his mom really likes me… but check out this hilarious photo from the rodeo.  (It looks like she doesn’t approve at all… it was just a fluke shot… at least I hope it was!  She really does like me!  She is also a very warm and loving person and I like her A LOT!  She did a good job raising her son too and I’m so grateful.

That night the five of us slept outside in the “Tiki Bar” tent.  I was a little worried about the fact that there are skunks and raccoons in their backyard and it was a little cold (actually we froze!)  But we snuggled up close and the kids loved it.  It was their favorite part of the trip!

During the night the funniest thing happened… I heard Patrick’s phone vibrating.   So I hit him on the arm to wake him up… “honey, it’s your phone!”  “It’s vibrating!”

He shook himself awake and listened… then looked at me with a big smile… “Babe, it’s a cow.”

“No it isn’t honey… it’s your phone!”

“No sweetheart… it’s a cow!”

I listened a little closer… had to admit… it could be a cow… but isn’t that weird that it’s Mooing in perfect sync over and over?

We both laughed our heads off!

I’m a city girl babe!

So I was really surprised when I was woken up the next morning at 5:30am by sirens, horns and explosions!

It sounded like the whole town was on fire!!!!!

Apparently in this small town… this tradition has gone on for years…  it is called “The Fireman Wake Up!”

But it wasn’t just sirens, they were lighting M8Os and throwing them off the trucks – it sounded like they were blowing up the town!   This went on for half an hour!!!!

Patrick’s little girl slept through the whole thing!  That little sweetie has two settings ON and OFF and nothing in between.  She is my kind of kid!  I adore all three of them!

Then we got everyone ready and went to the parade… where the kids gathered candy and we watched Patrick’s mom trying to avoid being squirted with a firehose… which was pretty funny.

Then the sisters arrived with their kids and I got to meet the rest of Patrick’s family!  We had a BBQ and laughed our heads off… the brother in laws are a riot!

His sister Amy brought her tiny little white fluffball of a dog…  named Danger!   It was hilarious!

Then we got ready for the Demolition Derby.   I have never been to one, and it was so cool – it’s the biggest redneck sporting event ever but it’s hilarious.  Not long after we arrived his littlest girl fell asleep… he held her until his arm and back were killing him.

So I offered to hold her for a while.  He passed her off to me and I was enjoying the time to snuggle a little one again… when someone started spraying water on my feet through the bleachers.

(At least that is what I thought was happening!)

I said… “Babe, someone is spraying water on my feet!”  We both looked under the bleachers but didn’t see anyone… then I realized that my lap was wet too.  Oh no!

His little sweetie had wet her pants!

That’s what was spraying my feet!

She had a lot to drink that afternoon!

It was so funny!  I was soaked!

He offered to take her back… but I was already wet… I might as well just keep holding her!   A little later she woke up and said… “Daddy my pants are all sweaty!”

We didn’t tell her what it really was!

My pants dried… though my legs and feet were kinda itchy the rest of the night!

Too funny!

His kids were so much fun and we were really starting to bond a bit.  At one point Patrick asked one of the girls to slide over so he could sit by me… she said… “How about if she sits in the middle so we both get to sit by her!”

That made me so happy!

Another time she wouldn’t let her aunt hold her… but she let me hold her.  That was amazing!

She said the funniest things while we walked home that night.  She said, “Kim I really love the smell of gas!  Not toot gas or fart gas… just car gas!  I love the smell of car gas!”

(She was cracking me up!)

Then she noticed some camping trailers and said, “That’s what I want for Christmas Kim… my own camping trailer!  You guys could all sleep in it with me too!  Yep, I’m asking Santa for a camping trailer.”

I loved his family – It was a great weekend!

I love him even more!

If you read my post last week about how to know if you’ve found Mr. Right… I mentioned 6 tests that you ought to try to see if the person is the right one.  This week Patrick and I got to see each other through a couple of them.  Here is the report card…

The Mr. Right Test #1: Get into real knock-down, drag-out fight with him

I’ve tried to pick a fight with him but we are both so easy going and calm we haven’t been able to have one yet… I’ll let you know if we do.

The Mr. Right Test #2: Go on a cross-country drive with him

The trip to Fairview was a great test.  I got to see how he handles kids fighting in the back seat and he was an amazing, loving, smart dad!

The Mr. Right Test #3: Have him care for you when you’re really sick

I didn’t get sick… but he did.  He got terrible allergies and got a bad runny nose etc.  So he got to see that I still loved him!

The Mr. Right Test #4: Watch him around other women

It was good to see how he treated his mom and sisters… he adores them and does everything he can to help them… he passed this with flying colors!

The Mr. Right Test #5: Watch how he treats service personnel

I’ve been out with him enough to see that he honors and values people regardless of stature or station… its one of the things I like most about him!

The Mr. Right Test #6: Watch how he loses

Last night we met some friends to play pool… and Patrick had the worst game of his life!

He couldn’t get anything to work.  I am the worst pool player ever… and I was way better than him.  He took it like a champ, was a great sport and best of all… he kept saying that all he cared about was being with me!  Yeah he is a keeper!

I’ll let you know what happens next!

Day 232: How do you know if he is Mr. Right?

I have been doing some research on how to know if you’ve found “the one.”    It is a huge decision to spend your life with someone… and you gotta be sure!

Obviously I am researching this because it is playing out in my life right now.  Patrick is everything I ever wanted and I am so totally in love with him… though we both say on a daily basis that this is crazy.

How could we really know this soon?  Is this real?  Can I trust these very strong feelings and impressions? Can I trust my heart?  Did God really just send me everything I prayed for?

All I know is… every day we spend together we feel more sure.

Everything I learn about his character and who he is… makes me love him even more.

He fits into my world like he was meant to be there.  (I am getting seriously sappy now!)  I love and adore that man more than I ever thought possible.

Let me give you an example of how perfect he is for me… I have two teen-age boys with a rock band, who inevitably have band practice at the exact same time, my significant other wants a nap.

Patrick loves rock music, is in heaven around band equipment and sleeps better with rock music blaring from his stereo than he does when it’s quiet.

He also doesn’t notice that I snore! He says I might snore a little, but that it doesn’t bother him at all!

Yeah!!!!

Maybe he’s deaf?

Even our dog likes him… and she hates everybody!

Everything about Patrick is right for me!

He feels the same way.

But still our friends are concerned that we are moving too fast.  So I figured a little research might help.

Here are 20 Ways to tell if he is Mr. Right:

1. You absolutely know he wants you as much as you want him. If it’s right, your feelings of love are reciprocal and mutual and not one-sided.

2. He walks into a room, and you just have to smile. You can’t help it! And when you look at him, he’s smiling at you.

3. You do kind and sweet things for each other just because you want to and not because you feel you have to. Doing them makes you both feel good–and special.

4. You are very secure in the relationship. There is no need for jealousy or suspicion. This is a drama-free zone. No one plays games or secretly tests the other.

5. He likes you for who you are and doesn’t want to change you. Not only does he not make you feel bad about yourself, but he literally boosts your self-esteem.

6. Life isn’t perfect. You’ve had your ups and downs, but through it all, you have remained together with the relationship unshaken.

7. He has good friends, and you like who he is when he spends time with them.

8. He does not try to have power over you. There is absolutely no violence or controlling energy in the relationship.

9. He doesn’t pressure you to do things you don’t want to do.

10. The religious and personal beliefs, life goals and interests that make you different, don’t push you apart.  You love the differences as much as the things you have in common.

(I can’t stand Smarties babe… but I’m okay if you eat 12 packs of them in one sitting!)

11. Your friends like him.  If he hasn’t earned your friends approval it is a big red flag.

12. He fits in with your family. If he becomes as instant part of the family you know he’s a keeper.

13.  He listens to you.  Communication is the foundation of any relationship.  You need a man who listens to you and is open to your ideas, thoughts and feelings.

14. You share the same values.  Be certain that you agree on the things that matters most in life.

15. He’s the type of person you would be friends with.  You should like to hang out and do the same things just like you do with your best friends.

16. You trust him.  Without this the relationship will never work… be sure that you trust him 100%.

17. He makes you feel special.

18. You feel secure, safe and comfortable together all the time!

19. He loves you for you.  If you aren’t being yourself in the relationship than he isn’t in love with the real you.  Although you want to be seen as perfect, the facade will fall off eventually…  just be yourself!

20. Trust yourself.  You always have the answers inside you… listen to your inner truth.

Here are a couple other interesting suggestions I found…

Examine his relationships with his family.

Watch for the way a man treats his mother and sisters, for that is eventually how he will treat his wife. Amazingly, its true! Men and women who do not treat their current family with respect and integrity will not treat their new family any better. (If your date has an unhealthy family situation, look for signs that he is able to be polite while keeping a safe distance. That is a sign of integrity and should be respected.)

Become a red flag specialist

When you’re dating someone, they reveal themselves through both words and actions (unless they’re a serious con artist). It’s up to YOU to pay attention. And it’s equally important to become a red flag specialist, a.k.a. someone who can easily and unemotionally identify a relationship red flag when it’s presented to her. Everyone’s red flags are different, and they’re based on your relationship requirements and core values. If your potential cutie is consistently late, that could be a red flag. If your date claims to be smart, together, financially secure, etc., but his actions tell you a different story, your red flag alert system should sound the alarm.

Here are another 6 tests to determine if he is Mr. Right:

(I am going to have to try some of these – they are really good suggestions!)

The Mr. Right Test #1: Get into real knock-down, drag-out fight with him
You can tell just about everything you need to know about a person by the way they fight. You simply do not know someone until you’ve had a fight with them. My wife and I have saying: A relationship is only as good as its first fight. People go crazy when they fight; what you want to know about your man is how crazy does he go, and how fast — and how much time he spends in Crazyland once he’s gone there. If in the heat of a real argument your man does a pretty good job of sticking to the point, or tends to ratchet the hostility down, or if he actually listens to the things you’re saying, that’s a beautiful sign. But if he goes vicious, or starts attacking you personally by going after weaknesses that in love you’ve shared with him before, or (God forbid) gets in any way physical, that, too is a sign. A “Wrong Way” sign.

The Mr. Right Test #2: Go on a cross-country drive with him
People are pretty good at keeping their stuff together for predetermined lengths of time. But you spend two weeks with someone in a car, and it’s like dragging Dracula outside at high noon: who they really are becomes very clear. On a long road trip, there’s nowhere for a man to hide. Sooner or later his smooth and yummy outer layer will wear off, and his inner chewy nuttiness will be revealed. Plus, a lot of unexpected stuff happens on a road trip: you get lost, a tire blows, the campsite doesn’t hold your reservation, etc. Anyone does well when things are going well; a road trip is sure to show you how your man reacts when things go like they always go in life, which is contrary to plans.

(We are going on a road trip this weekend so I’ll let you know how it goes!)

The Mr. Right Test #3: Have him care for you when you’re really sick
One (emphasize: one) of the reasons men love women so much is because women are just so darn pretty. Well, get ugly around your man for a change, and see how that works for you. Get biologically ugly: sneeze a lot, and wipe your nose on your sleeve — no, on his! — and cough like you’re trying to turn yourself inside out, and keep your hair all matted-up and funky, and just … exude Maximum Grossness. (Well, maybe not maximum grossness. No need to get arrested or anything.) How does he behave while you’re practically croaking on your couch? Is he patient, sympathetic, loving, attentive? Or does he (eventually) act like you being sick is really a drag that he wishes you’d stop? The former, of course, is great; the latter could make for one ceremony-wrecking flashback when the officiate at your wedding gets to “in sickness and in health.” Chances are (sigh) that your would-be man has already shown you how ready he is to at a moment’s notice play the role of your father. That’s cool — or whatever. But what you also need to know from him is how willing he is to step up, when you need it, and assume the role of loving mother.

The Mr. Right Test #4: Watch him around other women
For many reasons we won’t here delve into (socialization, hormones, insecurity, nature, the desire to confirm that they’re as irresistible as they think they are), men flirt. Cool enough; that’s probably how you were attracted to your man in the first place. But once you and he have committed to being together exclusively, the only message your man ever needs to be sending any other woman is “I’m Sure You’re Very Cute, But Not to Me.” Next time the two of you attend a party, separate from him, and then watch him while he’s in Solo Socializing mode. If you see him consistently not flirting with batting-eyed beauties, fantastic. If you do see him turning on his Mr. Spectacular show, don’t panic. At some point after the party, though, do talk to him — and for real. Tell him how his flirting with other girls hurts your feelings, and — worse, maybe — how it  makes you look like a fool, and embarrasses you before your friends. If he sees and understands the truth of that, and sincerely agrees to full-on stop flirting with other women, that’s great: relationships are about honing and smoothing. But if, knowing how it does and must make you feel, he continues to flirt with other women, then he’s being very clear about not only who he is, but about whom he expects you to be or become.

The Mr. Right Test #5: Watch how he treats service personnel
Waiters, busboys, doormen, janitors, maids, parking attendants, delivery people, store clerks … a man’s character is revealed by how he treats such people in his life. If towards service personnel or those beneath him professionally your man is brusque, dismissive, or in even the slightest way condescending, then as sure as sharks bite he’s going to start treating you that way, too. It’s just not possible for a man who doesn’t treat everyone with respect to respect you. It’s a symptom of a problem he has that you’re not going to be able to fix. Get out right away, or go down trying.

The Mr. Right Test #6: Watch how he loses
Everyone wins well: in victory, everyone is gracious, magnanimous, humble, sweet. How a guy loses, however, tells you who he is. Be with your man sometime when he loses a game of some sort that he wanted or expected to win. (Bonus points if you’re the one who beats him.) Watch very carefully how he responds to defeat. A real winner knows it’s about remaining a winner, no matter the score.

By John Shore

http://open.salon.com/blog/johnshore/2010/05/13/six_tests_to_determine_if_hes_mr_right

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End of the day…I’m going to trust what I feel…

I love Patrick Giles!

He is the one!

I just know!

Day 226: I’m in love… thoughts on great relationships!

The cleanse is over… thank heaven!

This morning I had my first real food in three days and I am feeling great… though that is largely due to the fact that I am head over heels in love.

I can’t believe I am saying that either!

I talked so big and long about playing the field and taking it slow!  I said that I needed time to heal, learn and date lots of people!  I needed time to play!

It’s only been 226 days since my divorce!

This wasn’t supposed to happen yet!

But when you meet the right person… everything just falls into place… and it feels right on every level.

I know that it is crazy to feel this way this fast… I know that there are a lot of things we still need to find out about each other… but it feels so right… I just can’t fight it!

If I had sat down and made a list of everything I wanted in a man… looks, personality, beliefs and values, temperament, sense of humor, work ethic, talents, likes and dislikes… if I could have ordered everything I wanted… he would be Patrick!

(Yes, I am dropping the “surprise guy” nickname because I don’t need to keep his identity a secret anymore… the cat’s out of the bag now!)

His “friend” also insisted that I stop calling him “surprise guy’s friend” and refer to him as “Super Joe.”

I think that may be a little wishful thinking… but we are going to placate him.

Back to the story…

I can’t believe it is possible that someone could show up in my life right now… and be my perfect perfect match!

Some may say that I am ahead of myself… that I need to take more time… and I am going to keep getting to know Patrick better… but my heart is so 100% in this!

If I scoured the earth I couldn’t find someone who is a better fit for me than Patrick.

Last night we spent hours and hours talking out on Tammy’s tramp (yes, the tramp is getting a lot of use these days!) My dream come true was to spend hours and hours kissing and talking… in the arms of the man I love!

I grilled the poor guy with questions about family, children, religion, life, relationships and handling conflicts…  I am a life coach so I know how to dig for red flags in people!

I can’t find any!

A fellow coach and dear friend said that I ought to try to trigger Patrick’s core fear, so I can see how he handles it… first I can’t do it… I can’t mistreat the guy I love… second I can’t find the buttons to push.  I’m not sure he has any.

Third… I can’t believe I just said… “the man I love!”

Fourth…he is just a lot like me… very easy to get along with, a peacemaker and a giver!

We think that these qualities are a pretty good foundation for a relationship and we are both dedicated to making the other person happy.  That’s a good start!

He is also more respectful to me than anyone I have ever dated.  He treats me like a precious treasure and is handling me with great love and care.

Girls, this is something you must insist on!  The right kind of man will put your needs and concerns before his own.  He will be considerate, respectful and thoughtful!   He would never put you in an uncomfortable situation or pressure you in any way!

He will want to make sure that he is showing up for you in a way that is comfortable for you and honors where you are.  Don’t settle for anything less than this!

Patrick is so tender, sweet and thoughtful it blows my mind!

He puts making me comfortable and happy before what he wants… and it means the world to me.  He is generous and loving!  He does not take from me… which makes me want to give and give!

And I could stare into those gorgeous green eyes for hours!

I’m whipped huh?

I am also so totally comfortable and myself with him!  The real genuine me shows up and it feels like home.  I am a very independent woman who values my time and space… but I can’t get enough time with Patrick.

I look back at all the other dates I had in those 226 days and on many of them, though I felt comfortable with myself and who I am… I didn’t always feel comfortable and safe in conversations with the men.  They weren’t a safe place for me.  (Some were wonderful though!)

People are often dealing with fears about their own value (which almost all of us have) and often we are bringing our fears to the table too.  Remember (coaching clients) that when you are around people who have some fear about their own value… it triggers an unsafe feeling in you.  (It triggers your fear!)  When you show up with insecurities about yourself… you may trigger defensiveness and insecurity in others too.

When someone is afraid… their energy says…”I am worried about me and I need validation” … and this selfish energy which you feel (even though it’s subconscious) makes you feel like you must protect yourself.

This is not a good foundation for a relationship… and it is exactly what is causing problems in most marriages.

I love coaching couples and helping them to see how they are showing up with fear and it is creating exactly what they are afraid of.

They are afraid of not being loved enough… and this “lack of love” is creating a black hole of fear in their marriage.  They are stuck in a vicious cycle of triggering each others fears.

Understand that in any given moment you are always in one of only two places…

1) A place of giving love

or

2) A place of asking for love

And you will get whatever you give!

So if you are asking for love… you will trigger others to ask for love… and no one will feel loved!

If you give love… you will get love back!

We came into this world filled with love and trust.

Fear was something we started to learn here at a very young age.  We quickly developed some pretty core subconscious fears about whether we were good enough.

Because we felt this terrible fear we started to ask for validation (love or attention).  We figured out ways to ask for this love we needed.  We spent all day every day asking for love!

Many of the ways we learned to ask for love and attention worked as a child… but are pretty immature as an adult.

Drama, sulking, crying, demanding and insisting are not strategies that work well in relationships.  They do sometimes seem to work though.  And they may earn you a form of love and attention (like sympathy etc.)… but they do not earn you respect… and you can’t have real love without respect.

This is the bottom line… if you want more love in your life… then be a giver of love!

Love is not something you can take.

Love is not something you can find.

Love is not something you can earn or hold onto.

Love only exists inside of you… the only love you have …is yours to give!

Be the love in your world!

Live from this place… and you will attract so many good and loving things into your life!

I can’t say that this is why I was blessed to attract this amazing loving person into my life… but I know that I am going to set any fear aside now and love him, my children, life and others with all my heart!

I don’t know for sure where this is going… but I’ll keep you up to date!

Day 224: Prune Juice and upside down lattes are you kidding me?

Tammy and I were convinced by a friend of ours (nickname: Doc Flowers) that we needed to change our diet.

He also convinced us that we needed to start with a three day bowel cleanse (you can read more about the hilarious start of this adventure on day 218!)  But it involves coffee enemas!

Are you kidding me?

The problem with the doc is that he leaves out critical pieces of information… thinking he told you things about how to do it, when he hasn’t.  He had given us instruction for the cleanse but every time we called him with questions… he remembered things about it that made it worse!

We were eating lunch on Monday and called him (which I would not recommend doing while eating!) Tammy asked him where we could find enema bags.  We had to go to two places to get two of them – apparently they are not a big seller!

Then Tammy asked him if the coffee was going to burn coming out… since it is highly acidic!

He informed us that… “Heck ya, it’s going to burn like a mother!”

He recommended some vasoline… and he also warned us that some people have poop that has become hard as a rock in there… basically it’s petrified poop… and it would also hurt like a mother coming out!

This whole idea was getting worse and worse.

He thought it was hilarious!  Kept calling it an “upside down latte!”

After that we went to the health food store to get juice, greens, epsom salt and other healthy crap that we were now going to have to eat!

I’d kill someone for a twinkie already!

So Tuesday morning were committed to start cleansing… this was going to mean drinking prune juice until we had serious movement happening… then switching to raw apple juice and water until the prune juice was all worked through… then doing coffee enemas to really get things cleaned out (repeated for three days.)

You are probably already thinking…. NO WAY would you do this!

But Doc convinced us that we would lose weight if we did!

Tammy really wanted to lose some weight… so I committed to do it with her!

Tuesday morning we gagged down our first glass of prune juice…(we had no idea what we were getting into)… the first thing we noticed was a lot of rumbling.  It felt like I had a pot of boiling water in there.

Then we felt like we were going to throw up.

Then we started releasing air (that’s my lady-like way of describing it okay) and her kids were laughing their heads off at us.  You have never heard anything like this – releasing air in tandem!

After only two glasses of prune juice Tammy was in business in the bathroom… I gagged down four glasses before I got the desired effect!

I use the word desired… but nothing about this was desirable!!!!

Then we started gagging down raw apple juice.  Normally we like apple juice… but after yesterday I never want to drink it again!   We had to force down gallons of distilled water and apple juice until all the prune juice was out of our system.  This took a while!

We were running low on toilet paper and wet wipes!

Once the apple juice was showing up on the other end… we were ready to brew coffee!

Basically we each had to enjoy 18 cups of upside down latte!

That’s a lot of coffee!

I’m not going to give you the gory details… because they are really gory!

Let’s just say that when you help your friend stick 18 cups of coffee up her butt… your friendship has reached a whole new level!

(No one else loves you that much Tam!)

After the first one… which was so painful it gave natural childbirth competition for the most painful thing we have ever done… we talked to the doc… and found out that he forgot to mention a few critical details!

I am going to strangle him with my BARE hands next time I see him!

Apparently you are supposed to put the coffee in really slow… like let it drip in for 20 minutes or so!  We put it in… in about 5 minutes… then held it in for seven of the most painful minutes of our life… then did the human percolator before we exploded.  I seriously lost my will to live in those 7 minutes!

After hearing that we were doing it wrong… I did the second one real slow and it was a piece of cake… no pain at all.  I was happy as punch… for a little while…

Then the shaking started and the dizziness.  I got so bad I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow.  My hands were shaking like I had palsy and I the room was spinning!

This is what happens when a small girl who doesn’t drink coffee or soda… suddenly gets 18 cups of coffee up the butt.  I was really sick!

Tammy called the doc and he recommended licorice root and a few tablespoons of honey.  They opened the capsules and dumped the powder in my mouth and made me wash it down… I can’t even tell you how gross that is!

I ended up staying down in bed… shaking… but wide awake for hours!

It was no longer funny!

The good news is that I felt much better this morning and started the process over again… yeah for more prune juice!  Though we are watering down the coffee and planning for shorter processing time for our lattes today.   We also gave in and ate half an apple which really helped.  I can run for the bathroom now without almost fainting!

The jokes about this have gotten out of hand on FB – but we are good sports about being the butts of the jokes!  You should have heard us laughing our heads off over the bear arms part!

Tammy’s tummy is already flatter though and she’s happy!

I am seriously thinking this was a bad idea… but I’m not ready to give up yet either…

…we’ll let you know how it comes out!

Ha Ha

Day 223: Don’t take your date to a pole dancing recital!

I know… that seems pretty obvious… I should been able to figure this one out!

But one of our good friends (who I adore) has been taking pole dancing lessons and this recital was important to her.  So it was important to me to support her.

I just should have  gone alone!  I realize that now!

But I was so excited to see surprise guy again… that I invited him to go with me.

The recital was to take place at Trails (a strip club for gentlemen)… but they assured me that there would be no stripping on recital night!  It would just be the students showing off their amazing physical fitness and let me tell you…they have to be really fit… cause pole dancing is a lot harder than it looks!

I knew bringing him was a mistake though… as soon as we opened the door!

We were greeted by a bigger than life sized poster of a naked woman!

Seriously!

This might have been a bad idea!

The recital itself was pretty fun.  My friend was amazing and I was so proud of her.  The food was good and surprise guy was so sweet to me… always reassuring me… that the only woman in the room he wanted to look at was me!  (He’s a keeper!)

After the students finished performing they needed to count up the scores to determine the amateur dancer of the year!

This was going to take little while though… so to keep us busy… they were going to bring out a couple of the pros to entertain us.

Uh oh!

The pros were topless!

They had moves that were seriously… … …. I can’t even think of a word to describe their skills.

I didn’t really want the guy I liked… a lot… watching this!

So I turned to him and said… “Babe… how bout if you just keep your eyes right here!”

He did!

He grabbed my face and looked into my eyes… with that amazing smile!

Then he didn’t take his eyes off me the whole time…

…He did shut them a few times when he kissed me though! (And yes, the earth moved yet again!)

During the entire show his focus stayed on me!

(Passed that test!)

Though I would not recommend giving your guy this test if you can avoid it!

Day 222: Lightening Struck! Wow!

Apparently love happens when you least expect it…

I had no interest (whatsoever) in the “surprise guy” when we first met.  As a matter of fact I would have bet you… a million dollars… that I would never ever be interested in that man!  My first impression of him was not good.

We met on July 3rd at the Sugarhouse Fireworks Party… but he didn’t seem to be my type…  so I hardly even noticed he was there.

After the party he came over to Tammy’s house… but I was still not interested.  He wasn’t even on my radar.  I pretty much ignored him.  But apparently I was on his…

His friend told Tammy that he really liked me.  My attitude was “so what!”… he is not someone I’m interested in!

On the Fourth of July, Tammy and I went to a BBQ at Heritage Park in Highland.  Again surprise guy was there (at least he says he was)… I don’t remember even talking to him.

But after the picnic he and his friend came back to Tammy’s house and we sat around the table talking and laughing for hours… this time I thought…”maybe”… but I still wasn’t sure.  He was nicer than I expected and pretty fun to talk to but still didn’t seem like my type.

Two days later he came to Karaoke night at Club 600.

(I found out later that he came to Karaoke night because Tammy told him I wanted him to… which I hadn’t!)

She also told me that surprise guy was coming because he really wanted to get to know me better… and she encouraged me to give him a chance.

(I guess I owe you one… you meddling busy body!)

When he got there, I decided to play it out and asked him if he wanted to play pool.  He flashed that amazing smile (that lights up a room) and said yes!

We had a lot of fun… even though I couldn’t play worth crap… but he kept pulling me close to discuss my shots…  and it was making me crazy (in a good way!)

He is smooth!

Then we all danced a bit… but I was too hot to dance… (it may have been the pulling me close not the dancing that caused me to overheat) … but I suggested that we just sit on a lovesac and cool off (great plan huh?)

We sat on the lovesac and talked for hours and I started to realize that there was a lot more to this good guy than I thought.

Now he had my attention!

Later we all went back to Tam’s and played cards out on the trampoline.  But after a while… everyone went inside and left us out there alone…  (I suspect they did that on purpose!)

All I am going to say is this… “remember that blog post I wrote about giving a girl a perfect first kiss”… well I gotta rewrite it now!

Surprise guy has unbelievable skills!!

All I could say was.. WOW!

I think that maybe… there are some people whose kissing style meshes with yours so perfectly… whose mouth fits yours so perfectly… that everything comes together… and the earth moves!!!   I think that’s what happened!

Then he smiled at me!

All I could think was… “I’m in big trouble!”

“This guy is hot!”

I finally said goodnight and sent him home… then I laid in bed for hours thinking about that smile and that kiss.

The next day he texted me and asked if I would like to go the twilight concert that night.  I kinda already wrote about that date on the blog… but I probably didn’t say just how much I enjoyed it.  We talked for hours again… and the more I learned about him the more I liked him.

He has character, is a wonderful dad and is a rock solid good man… and he is also hot as heck!

We had the best night!

Then he left town for the weekend.

But the next day flowers showed up…my favorite kind of flowers (something I hadn’t told him!)

I think I might be falling here…

Wow!

I would have also sworn… that I would not be ready to take myself off the market.  I had plans to stay single and play the field for a while still!  Big plans!  It was just getting fun going to parties and singles activities!

But lightening struck guys!

I fell for someone!

And I never saw it coming!

Day 222: What I learned at the Party of the Summer!

This party at Spencer’s house in Midway was amazing!  The great looking nice men just kept coming and coming.  I chose to be Emily’s assistant money changer for the party… which meant that I sat at the door with her and met every single person who came in.  (Good strategy huh!)

Here is what I learned…

1) There are lot’s of very attractive nice men out there.

2) There are 5 times as many attractive skinny well dressed women at every party than there are men!

(Most of these girls look like perfect 10 super model barbie dolls too – they are blonde, skinny, wearing high heels to a BBQ and dressed to the hilt with gorgeous expensive clothes.  There were also a lot of really nice genuine women too.  So the competition for guys attention was unbelievable!

3) These women chase the good looking nice  men.

4) These men are loving it!

5) Many of these women sleep with these men.

6) So these men are really loving it.

7) These men are not in any hurry to get married since they are having so much fun sleeping with these women now.

8) If you are a rules girl and are waiting for these men to chase you… you are going to be waiting a longgg time.

9) There are many interesting, nice, genuine people there too!

But you have to be paying attention to find them and start conversations…

…and these conversations will be the best part of your night.

Thank you so much Shawn, Lisa, Emily and Brad for fantastic REAL conversation and for being so kind to me!

10) Be yourself where ever you go!

11) Don’t care about whether you get noticed or get any attention at all with attractive members of the opposite sex.  Just make friends, enjoy the good food, dance and let go of any need to impress anyone.

There is enough of that going on already!!

12) Older men, who have been in the scene for a long time… have a great deal of wisdom about the predicament we are in… the highlight of my night was learning from one such wise man.

He helped me figure out what I’ve been doing wrong on my dates and how to fix it.  Apparently I am putting too much of myself and my love out there… too soon.

I have always taught my clients to be the love in every room… to intend that every person you talk to, will feel God’s love for them through you… that they will leave any conversation feeling valued.

But, many times in a dating setting, this is not responsible behavior.  This can be misconstrued as romantic love for that person… when that is not your intent.   So I gotta tone it down a bit until I have a chance to decided whether I really see this person as a right fit for me.

This was awesome advice that I really needed.

He also explained to me the three phases of the singles scene… this was an interesting theory!

Phase 1:  Fetal Position:

Apparently this is when you are just barely divorced and still pretty beat up from the process.  You may literally still find yourself in the fetal position and crying over being here.  Then during this phase you begin to emerge into the world… like being born again… you enter this strange new world of singlehood… scared, excited and kinda lost!

Phase 2: The Incest Phase:

(These are not my descriptions or names… these came from the wise older man)

Apparently this phase is where you start to meet people and date people throughout the scene.  But you find all of these complicated connections when you are always dating someone that also dated your friend and a guy who was all over you last night is now making moves on someone else tonight.  This is where the sticky messy drama of new romance and frequent break ups happen.

According to the wise guy, I am just now entering that phase.

I am meeting so many new people and have many others that interest me, but often they are seeing someone else this week… though they are still flirting with me too… so they can keep the door open and ask me out next week if things don’t go well with this week’s girl.

You also have many girls, who are good friends, all trying to get the attention of the same men.  You can imagine the kind of drama this can create.  Tammy and I have decided that we don’t want to touch that drama with a ten foot pole… so we are mostly just friends with men.

Phase 3: Marriage

According to the wise men who laid this all out for me… this is when you finally find someone that appears to be the one!  This phase hopefully is your exit from the singles scene.

But often (from what I am hearing) the engagements get called off, the marriages fizzle fast or you find out that he’s bi-polar and you didn’t know before you married him… and instead of being the end…

… you find yourself back in the fetal position.

13) The last thing I learned at the party of the summer was…

Find some good friends who already know who the genuine and good men are, ask a lot of questions and have them line you up with the ones who your attracted to.   This is the only way to go!

Last minute addition to this blog post:

This is so funny… I was sitting in Sacrament meeting today (all alone by the way… for the first time since the divorce that I went all by myself) and the speaker related a story about the greyhound races.

He explained that these brilliant hunter dogs get so used to chasing a mechanical fake rabbit around the track that they literally cannot identify a real genuine rabbit if they see one.

If a real rabbit were to run across the track… these dogs wouldn’t even recognize what it was.

So these dumb dogs are going to run around in circles their whole lives… and never catch what they really want!

Sounds oddly familiar. huh!

I must add that I do not feel the slightest bit cynical or bitter about the fact that some men are like this (though I am hearing a great deal of bitterness from some of the other women)… Personally I am not worried about it at all… because I know that there are lot’s of great guys who aren’t like this at all.  I am meeting many wonderful smart men and they are so awesome!

There is one, in particular, that I find really really wonderful!

I am learning so much from this whole crazy experience it’s unbelievable.  This was not an experience I signed up for, as a matter of fact, I went into it kicking and screaming… but it’s sure getting fun and interesting.

Day 218: Race cars, enemas and fireworks!

What a crazy weekend…

I haven’t put up a new post in a week!  When you read what I’ve been doing you will see why…

It started on Friday when our friends arrived from Arizona to spend the weekend with us.

There was a big get together planned at Boondocks in Draper that night and we decided to go.  I had some reservations about how fun that would be (It always sounded like a little kids birthday party place to me)… but it turned out to be a blast… once we found it.

Yes, the Utah girls got turned around and couldn’t find the dang place!

Apparently Arizona men are open to asking for directions though… cause they figured it out and got us there only a little late.

We immediately voted to drive go-carts.  It was hilarious watching Tam climb into and out of those cars in a short skirt and watching big Dave (who is like 7 feet tall) was even funnier!

But I got the worst grandma race car ever though… it couldn’t break 5 mph with the peddle pushed all the way down!

After that we played a hilarious game of miniature golf and GF won… because he got a 2 on every hole. (Actually I think he cheated on every hole!)

The guys were so funny playing golf that I almost peed my pants… as a matter of fact, I missed the last 2 holes cause I couldn’t hold it any longer and had to run find the restroom.

After that we decided that we needed one last ride in the go-carts.

This time I got a fast car (and since I’m a teensy bit competitive) I wanted to win.  Other girls might let the guys win so they would feel good about themselves but this girl wanted to toast them… and I did.

Sorry Jeff, about ramming you and throwing you into a spin… so I could pass you!  I honestly didn’t do that on purpose.

I think I passed every one of them and it was a blast.

After that we hit the Red Mango Yogurt in Draper for a little midnight parfait and then headed to Tammy’s house for the after party!  There we played a marathon Phase 10 game… we played until we couldn’t see straight we were so tired.

Then I had this great idea that we should all sleep out on Tammy’s tramp.

Everyone was in…

…except that while we were playing cards Tammy’s sprinklers had gone on and the tramp was soaked.

This didn’t deter us die hards though… Big Dave tipped the tramp up to drain the water off while I shut the sprinklers off.  Then Laurie dried both sides with towels.  We used every blanket and pillow in Tam’s house and made a big huge nest for a whole group of us to sleep in… it was a riot!

Though when you sleep on a tramp with big dave… he becomes the center of the universe where all things are sucked towards him!  (He already thinks he’s the center of the universe and this didn’t help!)

EM is the only one who gave up halfway through the night, because his back was hurting and apparently I was snoring.

I slept like a baby loved it!

Saturday we slept in and then Tam made us awesome breakfast.  About 2pm we headed to Sugarhouse park to meet up with our friends… we hung out on blankets and lawn chairs and we taught Eric and James how to play phase 10.   James beat us though and so we regretted teaching him!

The park was so fun… about 100+ singles came and we ate, played games, squirted each other with squirt guns (oh wait… that was only me who brought one!)

Sorry Greg, Mike, Gary and whoever else I shot.  Those cowboy boots just made me wanna shoot people!

The fireworks were amazing but hanging with great friends made it really really fun!

Thanks for hanging out with me NG – you made it even nicer!

There is a funny picture on Facebook of me with Eric’s motorcycle gear on… (and thanks for letting me wear it and for the contact solution… Eric, that was a life saver!)

One funny thing happened at the park.  I tried to hold it all day…. so I did not have use the stinky porta potties… but we were there for like 9 hours!   So finally I had to give in… when I got over there I looked for one that had a green vacant sign on the door… and opened it… only to find a dude in there on the pot!

I shut it again as fast as I could and said… “Sweetie, you really gotta lock the door!”

That was embarrassing!

After the fireworks we couldn’t find big Dave… so we just walked up to Tammy’s House in the rain.

A bunch of people came up and we had another little after party… though it was a kinda lame party.  The guys talked for hours about the rules book and we ate all the remaining goodies in Tam’s house.

Sunday morning we slept in again and then took the guys to church at a singles ward in Union Park.  That was interesting!  I’ve only been once before and haven’t yet decided if I wanna make it a habit.

After church we all got changed and went to a BBQ in Highland.  It was actually really fun.  I tried to play football… but forgot about my hurt arm.  Couldn’t throw or catch at all!

(And yes, when my arm isn’t injured I can do both very well!)

So EM taught us how to play a card game called golf… it was fun EM but way to slow paced for this girl!

(Any game where every 45 minutes you turn a card over… can’t possibly hold my attention…it was like watching paint dry!)

JK – it was fun… kinda.

Then we had steaks, chips and soda for dinner!

Soon after that, Dr. Flowers showed up to the party and we had a hour long lesson on why we are all gonna die of cancer or diabetes if we don’t stop eating steak, chips and soda.

Doc looked at our eyes with a flashlight and told  us that we really needed to do a bowel cleanse.

As a matter of fact, everyone at the table decided they wanted to do Dr. Flower’s bowel cleanse with us.

(He had them all facing the reality… of a dismal future… if they don’t change their ways!)

Doc promised to email me the instructions and I would pass them around to everyone else.  It wouldl be a three day cleanse and he promised us that we would look and feel so much better if we did it!

Tammy was so on board to do this… she committed to quit diet coke yet again (but this time she is really commited!)  She has quit drinking diet coke about every 2 weeks for the last 18 years… but when she commits she is serious! Ha Ha

Then we headed back to her house and hung out with JB and PG… telling them our hilarious stories (another 3 am night)and  laughing our heads off.

(I got to see a really nice side of PG and was surprised to find out that he’s a really good guy!)

Monday morning I took EM to the pancake house for the world’s best breakfast… while we were waiting for our table I got Dr. Flowers’s cleanse instructions on my iphone…

Elliott was really serious about doing the cleanse with us… until I read him the part about Coffee enemas.

Josh had failed to mention that little detail on Sunday!

He wants us to eat and drink nothing but prune juice, apple juice, honey and olive oil for three days and give ourselves a coffee enema each day!!!

When I told Tam about this… she also wasn’t sure she was on board either!!!

“You want me to shoot coffee up my butt!  Are you serious?”

We are still not totally sure about it now!

(Though I think it would make a funny story!)

I have been trying to talk the doc into writing a book with all the instructions for good health in it.  I admit though, it might be boring to read… so I had this idea this weekend… that maybe I would write the book but it would be about Tammy and my journey from steaks, chips and soda to eating healthy!

From McDonalds and diet coke… to vegetable entrees and coffee enemas… now that could be funny!

But that would mean doing the cleanse next week (including the enemas) and documenting our experience for the book… she is still thinking about it.

Monday afternoon we all took a nap (We hadn’t slept much in three days) and then headed downtown for the Salt Lake Bee’s Game.  I got to hang out with KH and his kids – who are so cute!  The game was fun but watching our friends in the crowd was even funnier.

At one point Tammy left to get a drink and came back with a soda!

Well that commitment didn’t even make it one day!

“Yes it did” she announced… “I am not drinking diet coke… I’m drinking a regular coke!”

Sweetie, you are not getting the spirit of this endeavor yet!!!!

Fortunately she accidentally spilled it soon after that.  Ha Ha

Can I also say… “Big Dave how many hot dogs can you eat?”

Seriously!

After the game they had fireworks over the field and we all laid on blankets in the outfield and watched them with tons of friends.  It was a great night!

EM and I went back to my place and talked for hours about life and helping other people… I am sure grateful that you’re my friend bud!

And my dog really likes you too.

Tuesday was a day in the twilight zone!

My ex- husband called to say that he wants me back.  He is still in love with me and can’t move on.  He begged me to consider trying to work it out and get back together.  I never saw this coming!

Bad timming… because I just had a really fun weekend being single!

Would I want to go back to my life before this?  Do I want to deal with all the issues that broke us up and try to fix them and get my kids to forgive him and like him again?  Did I still have feelings for him?  This opened up a floodgate of questions and emotion again.

I told him that I needed a couple days to think about the answers to these questions.

In reality… I knew the answer in 30 seconds.

No way!

I love this new chapter in my life!  I am meeting wonderful people… having so much fun and I believe that the love of my life is out there.

“I just haven’t met him yet… or realized I have met him yet!”  …but my future is definitely ahead of me… not going back.  I felt so sad to tell him that… but he needs to move on.

Wednesday night was another riot!  We met up with some friends at Joe’s Crab Shack… and then met about 30 other singles at a movie theatre to see “Date Night” with Steve Carrol.  We got there after the movie started though… so the only open seats were on the front row!

Neck pain!!!

Staring straight up for two hours!

And someone (who shall remain nameless) was laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe…and apparently laughing that hard can make you snort… and fart.  I was laughing so hard at them… I didn’t even care about the movie!

(The line… “put on an f —ing shirt”… is still my favorite part!)

After the movie we all headed for Studio 600 for Karaoke night!  Tammy and I chose and sang two songs… (yes we are actually participating now!)

Though the jury is still our on whether that’s a good thing!

We sang some Nickleback and some Doobie Brothers, though if Mike hadn’t jumped in to help us we would have gone down in flames with Old Black Water.

Thanks Mike, you are the best!  And you sing like a rock star!

Then… we had some hilarious games of pool with two very handsome men.

I am still the worst ever at pool!  I feel sorry for the poor guy on my team… though he seemed happy enough. LOL   You didn’t care about the game at all huh!

Then I got to sit on the lovesac with someone (who shall also remain nameless) for hours of talking and getting to know each other (That is all we did everyone!).

I was seriously pleasantly surprised at what a great guy he is.

(I didn’t think he would be! – Opps!)

Which is why you gotta visit with someone for a while, to really get a feel for who they are!

This is an important lesson!  Don’t judge a book by it’s cover!

Later we went back to Tammy’s house (yet again) and played cards.  (Though I don’t think it was Phase 10 this time… but it sure was informative!)

In the end… it was one of my favorite nights ever!

The next day (Thursday) I got asked out to a concert by “the surprise guy”!  I guess for now, that’s what I’ll call him.  I was really excited!  He picked me up and we went downtown to see Modest Mouse!

It was an interesting night…

The food was marginal and took forever (I almost starved to death in line)… we couldn’t get close enough to even see the stage… it was way too crowded… But we didn’t care about any of it… we were having a blast being together.

That was a fun date!

Last night was Friday night… and a couple friends and I were trying to find something to do.  We heard about a western hoe down party in Lehi and decided to grab some dinner and go check it out.  (It was another excuse to wear my favorite cowboy boots!)

The funniest part of the party was when Bucky decided to explain to me… how I should let a guy know I am interested in him… I heard things like… touch him on the shoulder in Sunday School and compliment his brilliant comments… Bucky is an expert at this kind of thing!

Click Here to see the video!

We made a bunch of new friends at this party and hung out for a while.. then decided to go dancing!

So we headed to Habits!

We had a great time… I seriously just love to dance!  I don’t care who is there… or if I have anyone to dance with at all… if the music is good and I can just let loose… I love it.

But it was a nice surprise to run into the Yugoslavian Bear Hugger and get a few really steamy dances in!

He is so sweet and so crazy fun to dance with.

(Always makes my night!)

So what did I learn this week?

I learned… how to pick up guys in Sunday School… to lock the door when you’re in the porta potty… that if you squirt someone with a squirt gun they are going to get you back…  that sitting on the front row of a movie theatre sucks…  that playing golf with cards is boring…  that you should never sleep on a wet trampoline, play cards with Tammy’s secret deck or drink out of  her coffee mug… I also learned that coffee enemas are good for you, will make you lose weight and might even help you stop snoring.

I also learned to not judge a book by it’s cover, that people will often surprise you and that St. Patrick’s Day is now my favorite holiday!

Day 213: I would not date an older man! Okay I might!

(I guess I have Dr. Suess on the brain… cause this is what came out today! This post is not about any real individual I just thought it was funny!)

My friend Pam

My friend Pam

I really like
a younger man!

Do you like
an older man?

I do not like them,
my friend Pam.

I do not like
an older man.

Would you like them
here or there?

I would not like them
anywhere.

Would you date one
with a house?

Would you like to be
his spouse?

I will not date one
with a house.
I would not like to be
his spouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like an older man.
I do not like them, my friend Pam.

Would you date one
with a box?
Would you date one
that’s a fox?

Not with a box.
Not if a fox.
Not with a house.
Not be his spouse.

Would you? Could you?
In a car?

Date one! Date one!
There some are.

I would not,
could not,
in a car.

You may like one.
You will see.
You may like one
by a tree!

I would not, could not by a tree.
Not in a car! You let me be.

I do not want one with a box.
I do not want one that’s a fox.
I do not want one with a house.
I would not like to be his spouse.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you,
on a train?

Not on a train! Not by a tree!
Not in a car! Pam! Let me be!

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not,
in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?
I would not, could not,
in the rain.

Not in the dark. Not on a train.
Not in a car. Not in the rain.
I do not like them, Pam, you see.

I will not date one here or there.
I do not date one anywhere!

You would not date
an older man?

I do not
like them,
my friend Pam.

You do not date them.
So you say.

Try one! Try one!
And you may.

Try one and you may, I say.

Pam!
If you will let me be,
I will date one.
You will see.

Say!

I like this older man!
I do! I like him, my friend Pam!

And I would date him in the rain.
or in the dark. Or on a train.

Or in a car. Or by a tree.
He is so handsome, can you see!

So I would date him with a box.
He is such a smoking fox!

I would date him with a house.
I might even be his spouse.
I would date him here and there.
Say! I would date him ANYWHERE!

I do so like
an older man!
Thank you!
Thank you,
my friend Pam!

~~Dr Seuss
Adapted by Kim Sayer

Day 211: The funniest poem at 3am

Last night, I must say, I stayed up too late,
and not even for a really hot date.

I stayed up for my girls and my good friend Brad too,
and my best friend Tammy and her children too.

But do not worry… about our dear friend sad Brad,
because after last night he is now really glad.

Now he is glad… cause we know he’s not sad,
But we’re afraid that our dear friend Brad… is… very bad!

See bad Brad…

See how he’s glad!

We are so glad,

he is no longer sad.

See bad Brad brag… about how he is bad.

and about how he makes all the other men mad.

and about how twilight is such a weird fad.

LOL  (We wrote this at 3am!)

Bad Brad went with us to see Twilight’s Eclipse…
and all the girls thought he had kissable lips!

(That’s the only thing that rhymes with eclipse… though it’s true too.)

The movie was great, the kissing scenes were intense,
But bad Brad just liked scenes with fights and defense.

He laughed at the women who failed the test,
and screamed every time they saw Jacob’s chest.

But let’s just be honest… that Jacob’s hot chest…
as scenes go…  is just… quite simply the best!

At 2:30 in the morning we all got in the car,
We were so very tired and the drive was quite far.

But making up rhymes about our bad Brad,
Kept us all laughing and feeling quite glad.

Then I pulled out my iphone and read them a poem,
which kept us laughing to tears… all the way home.

I read them the poem… about Mrs. McCave,
who had 23 sons and named them all Dave…

And often she wishes that, when they were born,
She had named one of them Bodkin Van Horn
And one of them Hoos-Foos.  And one of them Snimm.
And one of them Hot-Shot.  And one Sunny Jim.
And one of them Shadrack.  And one of them Blinkey.
And one of them Stuffy.  And one of them Stinkey.
Another one Putt-Putt.  Another one Moon Face.
Another one Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face.
And one of them Ziggy.  And one Soggy Muff.
One Buffalo Bill.  And one Biffalo Buff.
And one of them Sneepy.  And one Weepy Weed.
And one Paris Garters.  And one Harris Tweed.
And one of them Sir Michael Carmichael Zutt
And one of them Oliver Boliver Butt
And one of them Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate...
But she didn't do it.  And now it's too late.

***

You shouldn’t read Dr. Suess at 3 a.m.

We laughed until it hurt!  I was crying!

This poem is so freakin funny when you’re tired!

You were a good sport Bad Brad… we are so glad you braved the girl-fest and came with us… Issac needed another guy there!